Oh Canada, Part IIJ. Wiliams
[this is satire]
Rocky the Diabolical Cat™
"Never! Never!" I hissed as Diana moved the cup of instant coffee closer, ever closer, to my mouth. "I'll never drink that dreck!" I moved my head from side to side while trying to work my paws free from the handcuffs and manacles. "Never!" I hissed again. "Drink it, I say!" screamed Diana.
I heard a rumbling outside, and then the door burst open.
"Unhand him, Diana!" my protege Ikey screeched, assuming a martial arts pose. Behind him stood Angie, her arms crossed resolutely.
"Who are you, cat-midget?" Diana asked, laughing scornfully.
"I'm Rocky's sidekick Ikey. A mole* inside the Ashcroft Youth told me of the scheme to kidnap Rocky. Therefore I rode up here in the sidecar of Angie's motorcycle to rescue him," he replied.
"You? A cat-midget? Rescue? Ha! Haha! Hahaha!" Diana laughed maniacally.
Ikey flew through the air and delivered a karate-chop to Diana's nose, and she crumbled to the floor. He then picked the locks on my restraints with a single claw.
"Thank you, young protege Ikey," I said. "And thank you too, my dear friend Angie. What was all this about, anyway?" I asked.
"The Ashcroft Youth hatched a plot to lure you 'emigrate' to Canada. Once you were here, they would demoralize you through torture, which is, of course, the favorite pastime of the junta and its lackeys. The ultimate goal was to silence you, the voice of the stray cat, the underdog, and the average Joe and Josephine, " Ikey said.
"Ach du lieber!" I exclaimed. "Well, they have failed, as tyrants always fail. Let us rouse this "Diana" with some smelling salts. I really want to ask her why she used handcuffs on me instead of pawcuffs!"
To be continued ...
* Literally, a mole - Montgomery the Mole, associate of Sonny "Bad Boy" Starling, bird-underworld figure.