I Like Ike [this is satire]

by Rocky the Diabolical Cat™

Hector was polishing his pince-nez as he spoke.

“The ‘anyone-but-Bush’ idea is a dead end. Bush, though he is, indeed, an imbecilic criminal, is merely the symptom of a deformed system, just as, say, Brezhnev was the symptom of a deformed system. A carbuncle indicating infection. To assert that simply replacing Bush will solve America’s — and the world’s — problems is to ignore the entire course of American history,” he said solemnly.

“What is to be done?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I usually don’t do, I observe.” Hector replied. “What do you intend to do, Rocky? What can one cat do?”

“This cat is an internationalist, dear fellow. I am a citizen of the world. It is merely fate’s bad sense of humor that I was born here in this godforsaken land. Therefore, I do not feel constrained to stay here — hence my upcoming Italian exile,” I replied.

I turned to my housemate and asked, “What about you, J?”

“I just bought an atlas at Big Lots and have been mapping possible routes to Canada,” he replied.

The air was filled with defeatism.

Suddenly Ikey the Cat jumped on the table. “F*** this s***!” he screeched. “What a bunch of pusses! Afraid to do anything! Leaving the country! This is MY m***********’ country! Ikey the Cat ain’t goin’ out like that!”*

“What do you intend to do, young cat?” I asked my protégé.

“Effective right now, I’m running for president as a write-in candidate! Ikey the Cat! Vote for me, I the C! Three pounds of feline political TNT!” he screeched. "Young Ikey, I dare say you're a long shot, but you have my complete support!" I said proudly.

* The editors are saddened to see that Ikey the Cat remains afflicted by his vulgar cussing ways.


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