A visit with Bad Boy Starling
Editor’s Note: NUVO’s occasionally intrepid reporter Rocky the Feline Flaneur recently interviewed Sandy “Bad Boy” Starling, accused poop-terrorist and leader of the local starling resistance movement. To maintain the secrecy of Mr. Starling‘s location, Rocky agreed to travel blindfolded to the interview.)
Rocky: Greetings, dear fellow! I am pleased to once again meet with a kindred spirit such as yourself!
Sandy: Hello, Rocky.
Rocky: Hmmm ... it smells of french fries here. Are we located near a restaurant vent?
Sandy: Perhaps; perhaps not.
Rocky: You seem somber, dear fellow.
Sandy: Once again the downtown boosters are threatening to “rid” downtown of starlings. Their lackeys at The Indianapolis Star are leading the war whoops.
Rocky: That should be no surprise. Our local Gannettoid always can be counted on to promote any half-baked idea. Low average staff IQ, I think.
Sandy: People complain that we poop. No shit! We poop! Is that a crime? If it were, then local politicians should all be in jail for the local “combined overflow” problem.
Rocky: Ah, but dear fellow, our leaders surely consider it the height of trickle-down economics that poor inner city residents might have the opportunity to wade in the shit of their wealthy suburban neighbors.
Sandy: True, true. And I hear that the city is considering hiring a “bird-whisperer” to get rid of us.
Rocky: Only the weak-minded and those inclined to fantastical, non-scientific thinking would consider such an absurd idea. What next, a Pied Piper to rid the town of its homeless? Anyway, what would you do if this “bird-whisperer” came to you, Sandy?
Sandy: I’d bite the mother&%#@er’s nose off!
Rocky: Thank you for your time, Sandy.
Sandy: You’re quite welcome, Rocky.