Triumph, the Insult-to-Comics Dog


Continuing our road trip, Evangelina and I drove through the desert. The uncommonly overcast skies began to turn shades of green and purple, and the wind picked up. Evangelina suggested we try to find a weather report on the radio.

"They've had tornadoes in Spain and Australia, the Greenland Ice Shelf is melting faster than anyone ever thought, we've got hurricanes named after Greek letters now - I think we'd better make sure we're not in for hail the size of grapefruit or a Fortean shower of frogs or something," she said, turning the dial through a spectrum of crackling and twanging.

"... yes, Come Poop With Me™! Er, poop poop poop. I'll be appearing on the TBS 'Earth to America' Global Warming Comic Special. Poop poop poop. Ha ha ha. So Come Poop With Me™," a voice sounding like the lovechild of a B-movie Mafioso and Carol Channing assaulted us through the car's speakers.

After chuckling in corporate radio formula manner, the host then interjected, "We're here with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ... "

I smirked. "He's so unfunny, he's an insult to comics. He should be called Triumph, the Insult-to-Comics Dog!"

"Indeed," Evangelina agreed.

The interview continued.

"Is this the first time you've been, uh, politically active?" asked the host.

"Oh no, I'm also very passionate about declaring cats second-class citizens,"* Triumph responded.

I slammed on the brakes.

"This dog is obviously an agent of the hillbilly junta!" I said to Evangelina as I poised to make a U-turn. "Darling, in the name of justice, I propose we make a little detour ... " To be continued...

* See "Triumph the Dog to Perform on TBS Special: TBS' Two-Hour Special on Global Warming to Feature Comics, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog." Associated Press: New York, Nov 17, 2005


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