City boosters were dancing in the streets last week with the news that one of the city’s most intractable problems is a problem no more. For years the city’s antiquated sewer system has resulted in dirty, smelly overflows whenever it rains. This has created a gross health hazard and depressed property values in certain neighborhoods. The city has drawn criticism from many quarters for failing to deal with this chronic headache. But the mind-boggling cost of renovating the sewer system has discouraged politicians and city administrators from finally rectifying the situation. Thus, whenever it rains in Indianapolis, what is lost is found again.
But that’s where the good news comes in.
“We’ve been scratching our heads over what to do about the ‘Brain Drain!’” exclaimed Joe Loofah, professional committee member and Indianapolis spokesperson. “But nothing ever seems to work. We even gave kids money to live here but they still went away. The answer was under our noses all along!”
Loofah recalls walking near the White River after a rainstorm not long ago. “Whew!” he recalled. “It really stunk. But that gave me an idea.”
Loofah says that Indiana brains, like the stuff in our sewers, are overflowing the borders of our state — not being drained away as some gloomy pundits would have it. “This is like asking yourself, ‘Is the glass half empty or half full?’” Loofah says. “But it’s neither! What we have here is an inexhaustible resource,” he exults, adding he’s even come up with a new state slogan to celebrate his breakthrough discovery: “We’re full of it in Indiana!”