A source close to the Peterson Administration has confirmed reports that the city has signed a letter of intent with Indiana University to buy the McNutt and Forest dormitories currently located in Bloomington and move them to the east edge of downtown Indianapolis. "What we are trying to do," said downtown booster Felicia Bowers, "is build a sense of community among middle-aged people who have the mentality of college freshmen. We need these people downtown to continue the area"s phenomenal growth, which is, after all, the envy of other cities. The drinking, carousing, loudness, reckless driving and general sense of entitlement of these middle-aged people are crucial to this city." Central to the plan is the continuance of a collegiate atmosphere in the housing units, which will be called "dormominiums." The stairwells of McNutt will be coated with PermaPukeÆ and StaleBeerÆ, Bowers said. Furthermore, she stated, the Forest dormitory will still have its "virgin vault," although, she admitted, Indianapolis suffers from a shortage of 45-year-old female virgins to place in the vault. Local infantile adults are thrilled with the plan. "Fuckin" A!" said one area attorney.

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