Conservative Christians, after a weekend-long prayer vigil, apparently have succeeded in eliminating everyone with whom they disagreed.

Christians for a Christian World (CCW) spokesperson Dee Layton told a small gathering of reporters, “Our Justice Weekend telecast succeeded beyond our wildest dreams.”

Politicians, religious leaders and other cultural figures convened in a televised marathon prayer vigil directed at, according to Layton, “homosexuals, baby-killers, pornographers and other riffraff.” She continued, “All we asked for was that ‘vacancies’ be created by God, so that God-fearing people could take up positions of power and responsibility.”

Over half of Congress cannot be located, nor can a majority of the population in what became known in the last election as the “blue states.”

Some estimate that over 190 million people have disappeared in the last couple of days.

“It’s a kind of a reverse Rapture,” Layton admits. “Not that we’re complaining.”

“Perfect,” remarks Billy G. Cracker, head of the Christians for a Better Tomorrow … Today (CBTT). “We couldn’t have written it better as a Hollywood script, which we wouldn’t have ever done except now we can as there ain’t anyone corrupt left in Tinseltown. We pretty much got the whole dang country as a playground now.”

President Bush, vacationing at his ranch in Texas, could not be reached for comment as there weren’t any reporters left in the entire state.

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