[this story is satire]

Retailers across the state are getting ready to reap the windfall of expected profits once the effect of Bush tax cuts start appearing in customers’ paychecks July 1. While luxury car dealers and jewelers expect to see the biggest uptick in business, others are excited as well. “I definitely expect to see a difference,” says Amanda Hugennkis, operator of a convenience store on Kokomo’s south side. “I’ve been spending weeks adjusting my orders so I don’t get stuck short on inventory.”

The $350 billion tax plan, while favoring those with adjusted gross incomes of more than $1 million, also will affect Hugennkis’ customers in a positive way, she says. “I reckon most of the people who come in my store earn between $20,000 and $30,000,” she says. “And the Bush plan will put an extra $189 a year in their pockets, which I hope they spend here. That comes out to $3.63 a week in added disposable income.”

She said she’s slashing prices throughout her business in hopes of attracting new customers. “We have an entire line of products priced at $3.63 or less. For example, there’s Wrigley’s Plen-T-Paks of gum. We’re running a sale of four of them for $3.63. And we’re offering three jumbo fountain drinks for $3.63, mix and match. Also, we have an entire line of beef jerky and jerky-like products attractively priced.” She’s also planned for more upscale customers.

“People making between $30,000 and $40,000 a year will get $6.21 back in savings,” she says. “So we’re planning a tax special of two jumbo nachos and two large drinks for $6.21. I think people will really respond.”

The convenience store operator said the Bush tax plan will help boost sagging sales. “The president was right when he said people would go out and spend their tax money,” Hugennkis says. “And I’m in a perfect position to clean up.”

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