INDY'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE NEWSPAPER HIGHLIGHTING ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

Automanic

I could tell by the jarring ring of the phone who would be on the other end. "Loreli, baby." I was right. It was my contact, the man who had recruited me: my editor. How he discovered my childhood nickname beats me, but he always used it - thought it gave him the upper hand to know stuff about me. "Yeah," I replied in hushed tones. By day I work in Cubeville. Better they don"t know what I do by night. "I need another one - by Monday." "I know." "Everything arranged?" "Yeah," I lied. "I"ve got one on hold." "Usual name?" "Yeah. Tina Testdriver." "What is it this time?" I mumbled something about a call on the other line and hung up. Screw it - he"ll know when he knows. Meanwhile, I"ve got business to attend to. I assembled my tools: shades, Simpson driving shoes, driving gloves. My old beater pickup won"t do for this job. This required something with a little more class. I had to enlist help: The Blond. My clever strategy worked: We took the Cooper S to Dreyer & Reinbold for a wash, while I slipped off to do the deed. I strolled into the showroom and inquired about my appointment. "Miss Testdriver? There"s a slight change of plan." My heart pounded: now what? "We"ve upgraded you from the 2.5 liter to the 3.0 liter. You want a manual or automatic?" "Gotta be a stick or it ain"t worth driving." "Um, right. Here are the keys, the car is right this way." Outside, a shiny Titanium Silver Z4 awaited me, saucily perched on its run-flat tires, challenging me to take control. I could barely control myself: mouth salivating, knees weakening. It knew. It saw through the bravado of my gear and tackle. It knew about Cubeville. BMW"s Z4 replaces the shark-gilled sporty Z3. The lineage is clear, but the newer drop-top two-seater has adopted a swash-buckling masculine demeanor, with a longer, wider, flatter, more masculine contour. Long, sweeping hood. Short front and rear overhangs. Steeply raked windshield. Side "gills" replaced by dramatic incised lines - but the tail lift still reminiscent of the shark-like character of its sassy predecessor. It"ll blow my cover - I"ll draw attention in this little rocket. But the temptation is too much to resist. "Ms. Testdriver?" Steve Salesguy ran over the basics with me: tilt and telescopic steering wheel; eight-way power adjustable front seat; upgraded audio system with 10 speakers; two-stage airbags and active knee protection; cruise; dual climate control and other assorted bells and whistles. I sank into the heated leather seat, adjusted my mirrors and was off. Twenty miles on the odometer. Don"t expect any mercy from me, Z4. I blipped through the gears: clutch, third, release, rev - all the way to sixth. Short throws, smooth shifts. We became one. Sitting low, enclosed in its snug cockpit - more race car than airplane - I was bonded to the seat by G-forces. I stuck to the car; the car stuck to the ground, thanks to BMW"s most rigid convertible chassis ever. The on-ramp says 25 mph? Bah; the speedo ticked off 40, 45, 50, 55 Ö No noticeable roll. It was like glue, stuck to the corner. A wider, longer stance - along with extremely low center of gravity - improves handling through the corners. The Z4 can change direction faster than a petulant bride-to-be changes her mind. It handled everything I gave it, and asked for more. It begged me to thrash it. It dared me to take chances. That"s a pretty big dare, considering 90 on the straight feels like a Sunday drive with a seductively throaty companion growling in my ear. It would take a bigger pair than I could even borrow to push the Z4 beyond its limits. Not only stable and surefooted, the Z4 is remarkably quiet with the lined soft top up. I pushed a button. Ten seconds, top down. I could still hear the stereo, carry on a conversation. My hair wasn"t whipped around too much. (Hey - I"m still a chick. Who needs wind-beaten hair?) Personally, I wouldn"t spring for the wind deflector Steve Salesguy said I could order: Don"t need it; the turbulence isn"t bad. The top doesn"t take up all the trunk space, either. The Z4 responded to everything I threw at it, and upped the ante. It"s the kind of car you make up errands just to drive. Flat-out highway driving, tight, twisty hill climbs or everyday driving: The Z4 delivers. By then it was time to deliver the Z4 back to the Dreyer & Reinbold lot. "Well, Ms. Testdriver, what did you think of our little sports car?" "Tight, Steve. Ya" got one in black?"