The president steps up
by David G. Howard
Addressing a Republican fund-raiser today, the president delivered a speech concerning the subject of national vaccinations in case of attack. After a few minutes of raucous applause and handshakes, the president approached the podium, and began his speech. "Today, I approved a bill to combat evil in the world. This evil lurks in our backyards. That"s why I have given the go ahead to begin vaccinating all military and emergency personnel. Since I, as commander in chief, cannot require others to do so without myself taking the same responsibility, I shall do the same. Tomorrow morning, I will receive my rabies shot at the West D.C. Animal Clinic. I realize I may be sleepy for the rest of the day and have a small welt on the back of my neck, but I am willing to take that risk for the health of the country. In fact, I am afraid of the Presidential Pet Carrier, and often throw up in the car and yelp at other politicians in the waiting room. But, duty and loyalty require me to have this done. Now, in a few moments, Attorney General Ashcroft will outline his plan for mandatory spay/neuter for liberals and other indigents."
