INDY'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE NEWSPAPER HIGHLIGHTING ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

Indiana Statehouse renovation

The Indiana Statehouse, long a Hoosier icon, will reportedly undergo an extensive architectural renovation at the end of the current legislative session.

Some believe the current session to be one of the most conservative ever as disputes over prayer, abortion and civil liberties are a daily staple.

In addition, a small cadre of lawmakers began to take an affront to the very building they do their work in.

“Just look at it,” Deck Deckard (R-Bogusport) said, gesturing to what he called “the pointy part” atop the Statehouse. “If that doesn’t say ‘sexual arousal’ to ya, I don’t know what does.”

Other legislators agreed and the Circle of Thirty was formed: 30 conservative Indiana politicians committed to cleaning up depravity at every opportunity.

They issued a statement yesterday regarding the removal of the “clearly phallic element” from the Statehouse, and in a closed chamber gathering, the decision was solidified. In the same statement, they suggested that the phrase “members of the Indiana Legislature” be amended to “potentates of the Indiana Legislature.”

The renovation, however, will leave a rounded formation atop the building. Eventually, Deckard said, even that architectural feature will be flattened as it “resembles all too much the shape of a woman’s breast.”