Snooper in Chief: The Quiz
by Matthew McClure
Matthew McClure
1. The president has:
A. flouted the Constitution, broken the law and should be held accountable.
B. every right to eavesdrop on Americans — and if you don’t like it, move your commie butt to Ottawa.
2. In the post-Sept. 11 era, the president should:
A. use, but not abuse, his executive powers to protect the American people from terrorists — just as he should have been doing in the pre-Sept. 11 era.
B. be able to do whatever he damn well pleases — and I’d appreciate it if you’d refer to him as “His Excellency.”
3. The decisions of the U.S. Supreme Court are:
A. binding law applicable to all Americans, even the president.
B. not to be taken seriously until Samuel Alito is confirmed.
4. The Constitution is:
A. the Law of the Land.
B. divinely sacrosanct (right to possess a gun) or hopelessly outdated (domestic spying), depending on the issue.
5. Our forefathers created a system of checks and balances to ensure that:
A. governmental power is not abused.
B. the president has plenty of “Yes Men” to back up his tyrannical policies.
6. In publishing an article detailing the president’s spying program, the New York Times has:
A. served its journalistic purpose by keeping the public well-informed.
B. committed not just a shameful act but a treasonous one — ship their editorial board to Guantanamo!
7. What is the likelihood that the president used the domestic surveillance program to spy on anti-war protesters?
A. It’s quite possible. A man who would authorize torture is capable of anything.
B. I hope he is spying on anti-war protesters. Cindy Sheehan is a demon.
What Your Answers Mean:
If you answered A to all of the questions, you are an individual whose logic-based approach to democracy — which prevailed in the United States from 1776–2001 — became obsolete after Sept. 11. Jefferson, we hardly knew ye!
If your answers were a mix of A’s and B’s, you probably skimmed the questions and, just like in high school, penciled Led Zeppelin’s Zoso symbol in the margins. Rock on!
If you answered B to all of the questions, you are a chest-pounding neocon and a genuinely proud, if ignorant, patriot. In God We Trust, With Scalia We Rule!
