INDY'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE NEWSPAPER HIGHLIGHTING ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

Downtown Diary

9/18/02: Under cover of darkness, my protege Ike the Kitten strapped on his backpack and climbed up the ivy on the side of Fred the Cat-Hater"s garage. Once on the roof he located the vent, then removed his cat-rope from his backpack. He pulled its claw-like end taut against the rim of the vent, then let the other end of the rope fall into the garage. He next squeezed his tiny body beneath the vent and slid down the cat-rope. Once in the garage, he deactivated the elaborate electronic security system. He then opened the door, and I dashed in. We then sprayed the entire cloth interior of Fred"s 1973 Chrysler New Yorker, rendering it useless. 9/20/02: J."s friend Nena called from Chicago and I answered the phone. We talked for almost an hour. Ah, I"m in love again! Her real Serbian name is Nevenka (Nena is a nickname). Ah Nevenka! My Balkan beauty! If she doesn"t come down to visit in a few weeks I"ll be taking the Amtrak to Chicago ... I must see her! 9/22/02: I finally got my first round of royalties from J. in the form of a bunch of wadded-up $1 bills and loose change. You"d think I lived with a paperboy! 9/23/02: Louise came and spent the night after much begging on my part. She accused me of "catting around" since the last time we"d slept together, so I had to wear a condom. Of course J. found the spent rubber the next morning and teased me while holding the prophylactic with a pair of tweezers. I pointed out to him how unseemly it is to ridicule someone practicing safe sex, no matter how tiny his condom is. 9/24/02: I finally finished my philosophical treatise, Night Thoughts. (Note to self: Send manuscript to Hector"s publisher, Edizioni Testa d"Uovo, per their request.)