INDY'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE NEWSPAPER HIGHLIGHTING ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

Summer Fun Guide 2003

X2: X-Men United; When Harry Met Lloyd: Dumb and Dumberer; Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde; Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas; Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines; Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl; and Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life.

For details on these and loads of other, less cumbersome, titles, read on and remember: All release dates are carved in stone until they get moved.

Friday, May 30

FINDING NEMO
Genre: Animated/Comedy/All Ages
Did you see the ads with the animated stoner turtle? This is that movie. Pixar, the studio that brought us Toy Story, A Bug’s Life, Toy Story 2 and Monsters, Inc., the studio that saved Disney’s ass, is back with another computer-animated feature, this one set underwater. Will it be good? Hell, yes! These guys are absolute masters at creating films that really do entertain people of all ages.

THE SHAPE OF THINGS
Drama
Noted troublemaker Neil LaBute (In the Company of Men, Your Friends and Neighbors) adapts his 2001 play with the original London and Broadway cast. Romance between a museum guard and an art student leads to some severe mind games. The sexual politics in this film will have you talking all the way home. Paul Rudd, Rachel Weisz, Gretchen Mol and Frederick Weller star.

WRONG TURN
Horror/Thriller Cannibalistic inbred West Virginian mountain men, oh my! A group of attractive young adults, including Eliza Dushku (Faith in The Vampire Slayer) and Jeremy Sisto (Rachel Griffin’s annoying mentally ill brother in Six Feet Under) encounter them when they take (drum roll, please) a Wrong Turn.

Friday, June 6

2 FAST 2 FURIOUS
Action
Sequel to The Fast and the Furious, but without Vin Diesel, who wanted a real shitload of money to participate. Blond, bland pretty boy Paul Walker is back though, joined by Tyrese, Cole Hauser, Eva Mendes, Ludacris and Devon Aoki. Once again, the focus is on the underground street-racing scene (with the location moved from L.A. to Miami), and lots of good-looking young people striking bad ass poses. After the chases in The Matrix Reloaded, the choreography of the race scenes is really going to have to be good. One big factor in favor of the film: The director is John Singleton, the man behind Boyz N the Hood and Shaft.

Friday, June 13

WHEN HARRY MET LLOYD: DUMB AND DUMBERER
Comedy
Prequel to Dumb and Dumber, without Jim Carrey or Jeff Daniels. Eric Christian Olsen, decked out in a bowl haircut, and Derek Richardson, sporting shaggy blonde locks, take over as we look at the teen-age versions of Harry and Lloyd. The ubiquitous, but still welcome, Eugene Levy offers support. Trailers for the film promise a pleasantly idiotic affair.

FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY
Musical/Romance
Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini, winner and runner-up of the first season of American Idol, star in a musical romance postponed from this spring when the producers decided that the film was strong enough to play to summer crowds. You would think they would get them firmly established as pop stars before trying to turn them into movie stars, but noooooooo!

HOLLYWOOD HOMICIDE
Comedy/Drama/Crime
Judging from the trailer, this will either be very good, or very bad. Bull Durham and Dark Blue writer-director Ron Shelton does a buddy cop comedy, pairing Harrison Ford with Josh Hartnett. When not working as detectives, K.C. Calden (Hartnett) moonlights as a yoga instructor and Joe Gavilan (Ford) struggles to build a career as a real estate agent. The supporting cast includes Lou Diamond Phillips, Bruce Greenwood, Lena Olin, Martin Landau, Master P, Isaiah Washington and Keith David. Nice list.

RUGRATS GO WILD
Animated/Comedy/All Ages
Two beloved Nickelodeon TV series collide, as The Rugrats meet the Wild Thornberrys. It may look good on paper, but the Thornberrys series is aimed at a more grown-up audience than the Rugrats and I’m wondering how this will play out. No matter what, it’s got to be better than The Flintstones Meets the Jetsons. Lacey Chabert, Tim Curry, Flea and E.G. Daly provide the voices, with Bruce Willis barking as Spike the dog.

Friday, June 20

ALEX AND EMMA
Comedy/Romance
Rob Reiner’s new film is loosely based on the true story of how Fyodor Dostoyevsky found himself becoming enamored of his stenographer. Kate Hudson plays the typist and Luke Wilson the writer. Hopefully Luke will be more dynamic than he was in Old School.

THE HULK
Action/Fantasy
The new trailers are impressive, but the question remains: Will a computer generated Hulk be able to credibly interact with real people? The big green guy looks impressive in the trailers, but there is a certain, um, creaminess to the skin tones that betrays his CGI origins. Also, the movements are awfully video-gamelike. Maybe it won’t matter. Maybe, with Ang Lee (Face/Off, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) at the helm, the film will be so riveting we won’t remember to size up the Hulk against the real folks. Hope so. Eric Bana, who was extraordinary in Chopper, plays Bruce Banner, the alter ego to the monster. Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte and Sam Elliott co-star.

WHALE RIDER
Drama/Romance
Keisha Castle-Hughes and Rawiri Paratene star in an up close and personal look at a tiny Maori fishing village in New Zealand. The town elders are searching for a new chief. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old girl searches for her destiny. The movie was a big hit at the Toronto Film Festival.

Friday, June 27

CHARLIE’S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE
Action/Comedy
Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu return as the way-cool crime fighting trio. Bernie Mac plays Bosley’s brother, replacing Bill Murray (I flew all the way to Beverly Hills to interview Murray for the first movie and he didn’t show up, failing to even inform the film studio). Director McG is back with his everything and the kitchen sink approach to filmmaking. Returning players Luke Wilson, Matt LeBlanc and Crispin Glover are joined by John Cleese, Pink, TV Angel Jaclyn Smith, the Olsen twins and, in the big bad role, Demi Moore. Should be an entertaining mess.

28 DAYS LATER
Sci-Fi/Thriller
Trainspotting director Danny Boyle unspools a thriller about bloodthirsty zombies trudging across a post-apocalyptic landscape. Sounds like fun, but to get there, we have to watch as mankind suffers a deadly worldwide plague and SARS is not making that prospect very inviting. The filmmakers would be wise to issue a new trailer that focuses more on the zombies instead of primarily on the virus. Brendan Gleeson, Christopher Eccleston and Cillian Murphy star.

Wednesday, July 2

LEGALLY BLONDE 2: RED, WHITE AND BLONDE
Comedy/Romance
Aren’t they pushing things a little? The charms of Reese Witherspoon helped make 2001’s Legally Blonde a surprise hit. But, does anybody really believe the concept warrants further exploration? We’ll see. Busy boy Luke Wilson, Regina King, Sally Field, Jennifer Coolidge and Bob Newhart co-star. This time, Witherspoon’s airy, but smart girl wonder takes on Washington, D.C.

SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS
Animated/Adventure/All Ages
Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michelle Pfeiffer and Joseph Fiennes provide the voices for this epic hand-drawn animated adventure.

TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES
Sci-Fi/Action
At a recent bodybuilding gathering in Columbus, Ohio, Arnold Schwarznegger described the initial appearance of his robotic character as follows: “He travels through time naked, but this time is easier, because he lands outside a strip bar on Ladies Night. A bouncer tries to make him go in through the employee entrance in back. He throws him against a wall. Then he enters nude through the front, among dozens of screaming and adoring female admirers of his massive body and spectacular private section.” You gotta love the big lug. James Cameron does not direct the third installment in the take-no-prisoners action franchise, which features a female villain this time. Nick Stahl, Claire Danes and Kristanna Loken co-star.

Wednesday, July 9

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL Adventure/Fantasy
A movie based on a theme park ride. Man, Disney never misses a trick (The Haunted Mansion is also in production). Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jonathan Pryce, Tom Wilkinson and Keira Knightley star, and with a cast like that, you know they aren’t just tossing off an exploitive quickie. The mega-expensive feature has a gang of bloodthirsty pirates setting out to undo a spell that turns them into skeletons. Depp plays a charismatic rogue with questionable loyalties.

Friday, July 11

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN
Adventure/Fantasy
A pal of mine is a big fan of the acclaimed Alan Moore comic series on which the film is based. He was dreading the movie, convinced that Hollywood would treat it with camp or find some other way to screw it up. After seeing the long trailer, he says he is actually looking forward to the movie now. Sean Connery, Shane West, Jason Fleming, Peta Wilson, Stuart Townsend, Max Ryan and Naseeruddin Shah star as fictional characters from 19th century literature that band together to save Victorian England from a villainous mastermind. The fictional characters in question include Allan Quartermain, the Invisible Man, a grown-up Tom Sawyer, Captain Nemo, Dr. Jekyll and Dorian Gray, which sounds pretty good to me.

Friday, July 18

BAD BOYS 2
Comedy/Action
Mega-director Michael Bay rejoins with stars Will Smith and Martin Lawrence for a sequel to the 1995 hit, with Gabrielle Union, Joe Pantoliano and Theresa Randle providing support. In this installment, narcotics detectives Mike Lowrey (Smith) and Marcus Burnett (Lawrence) track a violent ring of Ecstasy dealers in Miami.

HOW TO DEAL
Comedy/Romance
After life leaves Mandy Moore disillusioned, can a new fella return love and hope to her heart? Co-stars Allison Janney, Dylan Baker, Peter Gallagher, Alexandra Holden and Trent Ford offer backup for the teen queen.

JOHNNY ENGLISH
Comedy/Action
This spy comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson as a secret agent, is a massive hit overseas right now. Agent English must prevent a French businessman (John Malkovich) from dethroning the queen and taking over her rule. Helping him out is a sidekick (Ben Miller) and a double agent/love interest (Natalie Imbruglia). While Americans still equate Atkinson with Mr. Bean and Blackadder, Brits regard him as a broadly talented master of comedy. So wise up, Yanks.

Friday, July 25

BUFFALO SOLDIERS
Comedy/Historical/War
Dark military satire about rogue U.S. soldiers in 1989 Berlin using their base as a front for illegal activities. When the film, which stars Anna Paquin, Ed Harris, Scott Glenn and Joaquin Phoenix, premiered at the Toronto Film Festival one day before the Sept. 11 tragedies, it got shelved for a while. It should play better now.

LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE
Action/Fantasy
I still can’t believe that the leaden 2001 adaptation of the video game became such a huge hit. So clearly, I am not ready for a sequel. Angelina Jolie returns as an Indiana Jones rip-off, joined by Djimon Hounsou, Gerald Butler and Chris Barnes.

SEABISCUIT
Drama/Sports
Pleasantville director Gary Ross takes on Laura Hillenbrand’s best-selling Seabiscuit: An American Legend, about the unlikely equine champion who became a Depression-era sensation. Tobey Maguire plays blind-in-one-eye boxer-turned-jockey Red Pollard, with Adaptation star Chris Cooper in the role of quiet trainer Tom Smith. Jeff Bridges is Charles Howard, the automobile magnate who owned the great thoroughbred. William H. Macy and Elizabeth Banks also star.

SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER
Adventure/All Ages
Writer/director/producer/etc. Robert Rodriguez returns to his bright, low budget junior spy series, going 3-D this time. The cast, Daryl Sabara, Alexa Vega, Antonio Banderas, Carla Gugino, Sylvester Stallone and Ricardo Montalban, shows lots of familiar faces returning along with a few new names. Stallone plays an evil genius who plunks the kids into a massive video game.

Friday, Aug. 1

AMERICAN WEDDING
Comedy
Holy shit, it’s American Pie 3! A lot of veterans return, specifically Jason Biggs, Seann William Scott, Alyson Hannigan, Eugene Levy, Thomas Ian Nicholas and Eddie Kaye Thomas. The story (ahem, you are watching for the story, right?) has Jim (Biggs) and Michelle (Hannigan) about to be married. Hopefully, as in the previous installments, the sweet and amusing nature of the characters will get as much play as the required gross-out gags.

GIGLI
Comedy/Action/Romance
If Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck time their wedding to coincide with the release of their movie, I will barf. Let us hope they do not. Low-level hitman Larry Gigli (pronounced “Jeely” and played by Affleck) kidnaps a prosecutor’s mentally impaired brother (Bartha). Gigli starts feeling sorry for his captive, his bosses send in a lesbian hitwoman (Lopez) and all hell breaks loose.

Wednesday, Aug. 6

FREAKY FRIDAY
Comedy
Another Disney remake of the popular 1976 Jodie Foster film about what happens when a mother and daughter switch places. Jamie Lee Curtis, Lindsay Lohan and Mark Harmon star.

Friday, Aug. 8

LE DIVORCE
Romance/Comedy
Modern-day Merchant-Ivory romantic comedy, set in Paris, starring Kate Hudson and Naomi Watts, with Glenn Close, Bebe Neuwirth, Matthew Modine, Stockard Channing, Stephen Fry and Sam Waterson. Now there’s a cast!

MATCHSTICK MEN
Drama/Thriller
Nicolas Cage, Sam Rockwell, Alison Lohman and Melora Walters star in a tale about a con man pappy (Cage) in need of some TLC. Directed by Ridley Scott! S.W.A.T. Action/Crime Big action flick starring Samuel L. Jackson, Colin Farrell, Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, Olivier Martinez, Josh Charles and Jeremy Renner, based on the 1970s TV series we’ve all forgotten. That doesn’t matter, though, as this will rise and fall on the strength of the acting (good cast!) and the script (uh-oh).

SHAOLIN SOCCER
Sports Stephen
Chow wrote, directed and stared in this sports film, the biggest hit in the history of Hong Kong, about a kung fu master who becomes the leader of a soccer team. Great buzz on this one.

Friday, Aug. 15

FREDDY VS. JASON
Horror/Thriller
That’s Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street and Jason from Friday the 13th. I need say no more.

UPTOWN GIRLS
Comedy
Brittany Murphy, Heather Locklear and Dakota Fanning star in the tale of a blithe New York socialite who loses her inheritance and must work as a nanny for an obsessive-compulsive 8-year-old.

Wednesday, Aug. 20

THIRTEEN
Drama
Bad grrrl (does anyone still use that?) story that was a hit at Sundance, starring Holly Hunter, Evan Rachel Wood, Nikki Reed, Deborah Unger and Jeremy Sisto.

Friday, Aug. 22

GRIND
Comedy/Sports
Four goofballs stalk a pro skater (Jason London), as summer winds down and these descriptions get briefer.

MARCI X
Comedy
Hey, with Lisa Kudrow, Damon Wayans, Christine Baranski, Charles Kimbrough, Jane Krakowski and Sheri Rene Scott, expect humor based on racial and cultural stereotypes.

MY BOSS’S DAUGHTER
Comedy
Ashton Kutcher house-sits for his boss (Terrance Stamp) and hits on his daughter, Tara Reid. D’oh! Molly Shannon, Andy Richter and Carmen Electra also appear.

Wednesday, Aug. 27

HIGHWAYMEN
Action/Thriller
A serial killer is pursued by the husband of one of his victims. Jim Caviezel and Christian Bale co-star. Guess who plays who?

Friday, Aug. 29

JEEPERS CREEPERS II
Horror/Thriller
And we wrap up the summer with a sequel to a so-so horror flick from a couple of years ago. Proceed with caution.

INDIANA BEACH
www.indianabeach.com
5224 E. Indiana Beach Road Monticello, IN 47960 (574) 583-4141

In general: The Northern Indiana boardwalk along Lake Shafer is packed with a mix of old-fashioned and high-tech rides and attractions. Worth a trip just for the funky ambience.

Kids: The place is a kiddy dream, with loads to ride on, eat and beg Mom and Dad to buy.

Cheesy stage shows: No, but there are four dandy water thrill shows staged on the lake daily (from June 7 through Aug. 17). The Roof Lounge features live music for dancing nightly. The Teen Dance Club operates every Friday, Saturday and holiday evening, offering dancing to the latest hits for those 13 through 20 years old. I wonder if the NowGen hangs out there?

Rides: Solid, if not overwhelming, mix of thrill rides, family rides and attractions. Unique to Indiana Beach is the Shafer Queen, a big old riverboat that gives tours of the lake.

Water Park: Five tube slides, a “lazy river” and a real beach with sand and everything. Separate admission fees.

New in 2003: The Lost Coaster of Superstition Mountain. As of press time, Indiana Beach continues to promote their fifth and newest roller coaster: a wood-tracked, gravity-driven mine train built on the steel structure of the old Mountain ride. Since no room was available for a traditional chain-driven lift, a vertically designed elevator system has been installed to raise the two-car trains to the top of the ride. Elements inside the mountain vary from tight turns to steep drops to bunny hops and other surprises. A unique feature of the ride is that passengers in each car face each other, giving people the choice of experiencing the attraction riding forward or backward.

HOLIDAY WORLD
www.holidayworld.com
PO Box 179 Santa Claus, IN 47579 (877) 463-2645

In general: Friendly Southern Indiana destination, pleasantly unhip and easily the most “do-able” park in the heartland. Soft drinks are free and unlimited, and any theme park veteran will attest that this is a fantastic perk. Very popular with families and deservedly so.

Kids: Very nice assortment of rides and attractions for kids, including a knockout mega-playhouse and run-through fountain.

Cheesy stage shows: Three, highlighting pop, country and contemporary Christian. Plus, a diving show in the Water Park, featuring Olympic-style diving.

Rides: The Raven and The Legend are two of the best wooden roller coasters anywhere (in polls conducted by national and international coaster enthusiast groups, both consistently place in the Top 10). The park has an ever-expanding mix of thrill and family rides. Still, hard-core thrill riders should visit on a hot, sunny day, so they can keep the adrenaline pumping with a trip to the Water Park.

Water Park: Splashin’ Safari is a full water park that keeps growing, with the expected slides, a “lazy river” and a wave beach. Included with admission.

New in 2003: Three new attractions. HallowSwings is a traditional “flying carousel” swing ride standing 40 feet tall. Up to 48 riders get their own swing on this fun family ride. The Italian-crafted ride spins in a circular motion, then it lifts patrons high and spins them on a tilt. The Liberty Launch blasts riders into a double shot of thrills. It’s an eight-story-tall “double shot” ride, launching guests 80 feet into the sky, twice! And in Splashin’ Safari, the new water slide, Zinga, starts off eight stories up in the woods. Once launched, “clover leaf” inner tubes — each holding up to four riders — slide in and out of total darkness. The blue tunnel is 9 feet wide and includes a helix and a steep drop into a huge blue-and-pink funnel. After swooping back and forth across the funnel, sliding high up the banked sides, riders will plunge through fog into a final tunnel and come to a stop in a splash pool.

KING’S ISLAND
www.pki.com
P.O. Box 901, 6300 Kings Island Dr. Kings Island OH, 45034 (800) 288-0808 or (513) 754-5700

In general: This sprawling theme park, located outside of Cincinnati, is an old friend to most Hoosiers. Who doesn’t have memories of taking pictures from the top of the Eiffel Tower, chatting with friends while watching the colorful fountain lights in the evening and riding The Beast, still the best wooden roller coaster in the world?

Kids: Two major areas for children: Hanna-Barbera Land™ and Nickelodeon™ Splat City™.

Cheesy stage shows: But of course! Even better, some are located in air-conditioned buildings that serve food and beer.

Thrill rides: With more than 80 rides and attractions, there really is something for everyone. In addition to The Beast, coaster fans can ride Son of Beast™, the tallest, fastest and only looping wooden coaster on the planet, Drop Zone™, the world’s tallest gyro drop and many more.

Water Park: A big-ass one, included with admission.

New in 2003: A new ride for thrill seekers and two new attractions for the little ones. Delirium is a powerful ride which sends 50 outward facing guests seated on a continuous ring with their legs dangling free in the air spinning madly at the bottom of a giant arm that swings back and forth, rocketing riders up to 137 feet in the air … more than 13 stories. Riders spin and swing in a 240-degree arc between 2 o’clock and 10 o’clock as the park races by. The German-designed blue, yellow and silver monster is the largest of its kind in the world. The highest rated kids’ show on TV transforms into a new motion simulator ride: SpongeBob SquarePants 3-D. Guests join SpongeBob in the Paramount Action FX Theater on his 3-D adventure as the newest batch of frycook recruits at the Krusty Krab (SpongeBob’s place of employment) take on a quest to create the ultimate Krabby patty in the undersea world of Bikini Bottom (SpongeBob’s hometown). Also new this year is Scooby-Doo™ and the Haunted Castle, the first interactive ride in the park’s history. Park guests join Scooby-Doo and the entire Mystery, Inc. gang of Fred, Daphne, Velma and Shaggy on the case to explain the mysterious activity of a green ghost haunting an ancient castle. While winding through the castle in their own Mystery Machine, riders are equipped with Fright Light ghost blasters to zap ghosts and collect points. Points are tallied at the end to see who has the best ghost-zapping ability.

CEDAR POINT
www.cedarpoint.com
1 Cedar Point Drive Sandusky, OH 44870 (419) 627-2350

In general: It’s a long drive to Sandusky, Ohio, located on the shore of Lake Erie, but well worth it. For the past five years, the trade publication Amusement Today voted Cedar Point the Best Amusement Park on Earth.

Kids: More attractions than anywhere else.

Cheesy stage shows: More than anyone, including a special one for children.

Rides: Are you kidding? Cedar Point has it all, including a record-breaking 16 roller coasters (my favorite remains the elegant Magnum XL-200, which affords a great view of Lake Erie as it gives you a heart attack). Water Park: Soak City is a huge separate-fee water park adjacent to Cedar Pointe, with everything you would expect from a huge water park, plus a water bar, with underwater stools and everything!

New in 2003: Top Thrill Dragster: the tallest and fastest roller coaster on Earth. With a skyscraping 420-foot-tall hill at a 90-degree incline, blazing speeds of 120 mph over 2,800 feet of track and a twisting drop of 400 feet at a dramatic 90-degree angle, Top Thrill Dragster is the first coaster ever to break the 400-foot-high barrier. This $25 million “strata-coaster” — termed for its towering height — launches out of a “starting line” position using a high-tech hydraulic acceleration system. They then rocket up the 420-foot-tall hill where the train rotates 90 degrees at the 230-foot height, crests the peak and then plummets down the 400-foot vertical drop where the train spirals 270 degrees in a free fall starting at the 330-foot level. After twisting for 115 feet, the train completes the coaster’s drop, reaches speeds of 120 mph for the second time and crosses the finish line before returning to the station.

SIX FLAGS LOUISVILLE
www.sixflags.com

tly interwoven with the landscape (as best I can tell, the park was erected on a parking lot), but efforts are being made to make the place look greener and more hospitable.

Kids: Attractions include a mini-coaster, hot-air balloons the whole family can ride and a motion simulator theater.

Cheesy stage shows: Two, one with summer party hits, the other covering the history of rock — that is, rock sanitized for your convenience, of course.

Rides: Roller coasters Chang (metal and scary), T2 (suspended looping), Twisted Twins (dueling coasters), Thunder Run (wooden) and an assortment of thrill rides and family friendly rides and attractions.

Water Park: Hurricane Bay has water slides, a five-story water tree house, a wave pool, plus a play area for kids.

New in 2003: The new roller coaster Greezed Lightnin’ blasts riders out of the station like a bolt of lightning, going from zero to 60 miles per hour in less than six seconds. Guests zoom through the 76-foot-tall loop, and are sent soaring up the 142-foot incline at a 70-degree angle. Just when it appears the ride is over, the coaster plunges backwards down the incline and back through the loop in 35 seconds. Patrons continue the streak as they climb up the tail of the ride, before you glide safely back into the station.

SIX FLAGS ST. LOUIS
www.sixflags.com
I-44 & Six Flags Road Eureka, MO 63025 (636) 938-4800

In general: Solid all-around theme park. Kids: Looney Tunes Town contains 10 rides and attractions, including the usual suspects.

Cheesy stage shows: Comedy and music for the whole family, plus — from May 26 through June 29 — Kachunga, the alligator wrestler. Throughout the day, Kachunga grapples with his 300-pound alligator buddy, Fred, who must wonder what the hell is going on.

Water Park: Hurricane Harbor includes the standard water park attractions and is included with park admission.

New in 2003: Xcalibur, a cutting-edge thrill ride, combines the slinging action of a catapult with the rapid rotation of a looping attraction to create a unique ride experience (the press release insists on spelling it Xperience, as they do with anything starting in “Ex.” Traveling aboard 16 gondolas dangling from a large wheel, guests experience the force of Xcalibur as they are quickly propelled into action. Xcalibur slices through the air with rotating motion as it swiftly catapults guests 113-feet in the air, turning them head-over-heels before coming to a halt, leaving them suspended over the ground below. Riders get a brief reprieve before Xcalibur swings back into motion, once again slinging them ’round and ’round and upside down as they travel back to the safety of the fortress below. Royal colors adorn the gondolas that sit atop the massive iron-bound wooden legs of the ride, which thematically tries to “recreate the rustic, rebellious days of King Arthur and his Roundtable. Modern day technology brings to life the legend of the mystic sword through the combination of intense power, speed and motion as Xcalibur takes guests on an Xciting time-warped Xcursion!” Reshaping the Six Flags St. Louis skyline, Xcalibur stands guard over the Britannia Section of the theme park at a towering 11-plus stories high. This royal giant takes on 64 riders each ride cycle and travels 16 full rotations per minute!