IMS investigated

The Indianapolis Motor Speedway is under FBI investigation, according to a source close to the probe. Allegations that the Indianapolis 500 and Brickyard 400 consist solely of left turns prompted the investigation. “I always thought there was something communistic about that track, with all those left turns. I helped build this city, and I’m not about to let it be dragged down by a bunch of left-turning pinko race car drivers!” local politician Sir Burntass stated.

 

The Mayor’s Office released a statement saying that Mayor Brat Peterson is “deeply disturbed by allegations that these auto races consist solely of left turns.”

“No wonder no businesses want to move here, and no one wants to live here, with a track that has races consisting of left turns,” grumbled an assistant to the mayor. “People think we like liberals or something.”

 

The investigation is expected to take up to three years, further straining the local FBI office’s resources. It is expected, said one source who requested anonymity, that the Irsay drug investigation therefore will be put on the back burner.