Worm to City: Bite me
by The Evil Fritz
A local worm has rejected the city’s demand that he vacate his home in Military Park. Walter the Worm, a well-known fixture at the militaristic park, was ordered to leave by the city after a survey commissioned by downtown booster Felicia Bowers revealed that the tourists, conventioneers and gentrifiers who visit and live downtown are made uncomfortable by Walter’s unsanitized nature. “Everybody likes nature, I guess,” Ms. Bowers said, “but not that kind of nature. I mean, everyone likes, say, natural foods, just not natural insects. Or natural animals, for that matter. So, Walter the Worm, who is icky, has to leave if our downtown is to remain the envy of other cities, which, of course, it is.” Walter the Worm remains defiant. “This is my home. I will stay. As far as I’m concerned, Felicia Bowers, the mayor and the City Council can bite me. And you can quote me on that.”
