INDY'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE NEWSPAPER HIGHLIGHTING ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT AND SOCIAL JUSTICE

Advice for Mayor Ballard

Leave IndyGo alone

On Tuesday, Greg Ballard became the new mayor of Indianapolis. If he seems a bit overwhelmed by his new responsibilities, it’s because he has no previous political experience and no idea on how to run a large bureaucracy.

It’s OK, Mr. Mayor. Don’t be frightened. Many of your constituents are employed in jobs they have no business having. And many of them, like you, lucked into a job because its previous holder was so despised that anybody with a pulse and a central nervous system was seen as an improvement.

The new mayor will be receiving all sorts of new advice from powerful and wealthy people looking for a job or a lucrative government contract. I hope the mayor realizes that almost none of these people supported his campaign until after the votes were counted on election night.

And since the new mayor is a Republican, much of that advice will consist of slashing taxes for the wealthy and reducing or eliminating programs that assist the poor and middle classes. It’s just something that Republicans do instinctively and unconsciously, like blinking. “Make the rich richer and the poor poorer” has been a mantra for Republicans since the days of Calvin Coolidge.

It’s fine if the new mayor believes in this; our Constitution grants the freedom for people to believe in any kind of crackpot cult religion they choose. But I hope Mayor Ballard resists the temptation, as strong as it may be, to eliminate all services for the poor and transfer the money into Lilly’s bank account.

We may save a bit of money if we outsource our 911 dispatch center to the Philippines and give the savings to the wealthiest people in the city, but it would be an unwise move.

Eliminating the Police and Fire departments and giving the money to Halliburton or Blackwater Security would fit right in with Republican beliefs, but it would be a bad decision on the city’s part. Mr. Ballard seems like a reasonable man and I hope he avoids this course.

One area of particular concern to me is our IndyGo public transportation system. Mr. Ballard has frequently expressed his contempt for the system and its customers, so I’m afraid that he’ll eliminate it and give the money to Conseco or to Emmis Communications in accordance with his reverse Robin Hood philosophy.

This would be a fatal mistake, one that would have a catastrophic impact on the city. Mr. Mayor, you may have inherited a city government that is broken in many key areas, but IndyGo may be the only governmental agency that actually works.

Last month, I started a new job for a large corporation with offices in downtown Indianapolis. I can’t be any more specific than that because I signed a stack of confidentiality agreements and non-disclosure forms as thick as the arms of Oprah Winfrey.

But for the past month, I’ve been taking the bus from my Northside compound to the heart of downtown. And I’ve never seen a system run as efficiently or with as much courtesy as IndyGo.

In more than 40 trips to and from downtown, every single driver has shown every single passenger and myself the utmost respect. Our buses are safe, clean, warm and comfortable. The fares are reasonable and the service is consistently excellent.

In all of those trips, I was never more than a minute or two late getting downtown, no matter how many stops the bus made or how bad the weather was. More than that, I get the impression that IndyGo’s drivers sincerely care about their passengers’ safety and comfort.

Whether it’s a homeless man getting on the bus or a man in a three-piece suit, IndyGo’s drivers treat each of them with professionalism and care. The drivers manage to adhere to their schedule while ensuring that all passengers are receiving excellent service.

The drivers of the IndyGo system represent the very finest traditions of public service. They are hard-working and serious but manage to still exhibit a sense of humor with their passengers. If every governmental agency was staffed with workers as competent in their duties as IndyGo’s drivers, our city budgets would be balanced, our schools would be the best in the nation and our crime levels would be non-existent.

I understand, Mayor Ballard, the inherent compulsion among all Republicans to punish the poor and reward the wealthiest among us. But I respectfully beseech you to do nothing to harm the integrity and level of service that IndyGo provides us.

Unlike just about everything else associated with our government, IndyGo is not broken. Please do not break it.