Wow. What a year. A history-making American presidential election. A once-in-a-lifetime worldwide financial crisis. Clay Aiken comes out of the closet.
But while much has changed, many things remain the same. Powerful politicians still behave badly (Blagojevich, Edwards, Spitzer, Stevens), a number of African countries continue to be devastated by poverty and violence, and Dick Cheney’s heart still needs a good jolt now and then.
Even though the country (and indeed the world) faces unprecedented challenges, there is also reason for hope. A great deal of this hope rests upon the shoulders of one man, Barack Obama. It is not an exaggeration to say that he will be stepping into the hardest job in the world, maybe even the most difficult job that has ever existed in history. We should all wish him luck, along with a little luck for ourselves.
Hang in there, friends.
JANUARY
Greg Ballard is sworn in as Indy’s new mayor. In Kenya, more than 300 people are killed during days of riots sparked by what many believe was a rigged presidential election. Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee win the Iowa caucuses. al-Qaida announces that video messages from Osama bin Laden can now be downloaded to cell phones — can Osama ring tones be far behind? Hillary Clinton and John McCain each gain a much-needed win in the New Hampshire primaries. Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to conquer Mt. Everest, dies at age 88. Loony former chess champ Bobby Fischer dies at 64 (the same number of squares on a chessboard). Former Indiana Sen. Birch Bayh turns 80. National and international economists predict a looming U.S. recession. The death toll in Kenya rises to more than 800; some 250,000 people have been displaced during the crisis. By month’s end, four candidates have bowed out of the race for president: Fred Thompson, Dennis Kucinich, Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards.
FEBRUARY
The original schlock-rocker, Alice Cooper, turns 60. Venerable proprietor of Indy’s famous Red Key Tavern, Russ Settle, turns 90. Back in the news: Idaho’s Sen. Larry “Wide Stance” Craig is scolded by the Senate Ethics Committee for his tawdry toilet behavior in last year’s airport men’s room sex sting. John McCain is the Republican victor on Super Tuesday; Mitt Romney ends his quest for the nomination. Kosovo declares independence from Serbia. Cuban President Fidel Castro resigns and brother Raul takes his place. Legendary New Orleans musician Fats Domino turns 80. Kenya’s rival politicians reach a power-sharing deal. The U.S. prison population reaches an all-time high of 2.3 million, with more than 1 out of 100 American adults behind bars; it is both the highest number and percentage of incarcerated people of any country in the world.
MARCH
Hillary Clinton wins key primaries in her neck-and-neck contest with Barack Obama. Mike Huckabee ends his bid for the Republican nomination, leaving John McCain as the de facto nominee. André Carson wins the Indiana congressional seat formerly held by his grandmother, Julia Carson. Adm. William Fallon, top commander of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, resigns over controversy resulting from a profile published in Esquire implying he is at odds with President Bush’s policy on Iran. Actress Dawn Wells, 69, (Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island) is busted with pot in her car. New York Gov. Eliot “Mr. Clean” Spitzer resigns after it is revealed that he is “Client 9” of a high-dollar prostitution ring. Protests in Tibet against Chinese rule leave between 18 to 99 dead, depending on official vs. “exile” news reports. Days after hitting the five-year mark in the Iraq war, the U.S. death toll reaches 4,000.
APRIL
Indiana increases its sales tax by 1 percent. En route to host country China, the around-the-world Olympic torch relay is disrupted by protesters in London and Paris. Citing “fragile and reversible” security gains in Iraq, Gen. David Petraeus advises Congress against large troop withdrawals this summer. Musician/producer and Indiana native Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds turns 50. Hoosiers are rattled awake by a 5.2 magnitude earthquake radiating up from the southwest Illinois/Indiana border. The world’s oldest person, Shelbyville’s Edna Parker, turns 115. Hillary Clinton scores a much-needed win in the Pennsylvania primary. Former child actress and diplomat Shirley Temple Black turns 80. Magician David Blaine makes an appearance on a live Oprah show in which, after inhaling oxygen for 23 minutes, he holds his breath underwater for a record-breaking 17 minutes and four seconds.
MAY
Two weeks after being found guilty of charges related to running an exclusive prostitution ring, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, 52 — the “D.C. Madam” — hangs herself. Rock pioneer Bo Diddley dies at age 79. The southeast Asian nation of Myanmar is hit by a powerful cyclone, leaving more than 128,000 dead. Two Kenyan runners, Valentine Orare and Lamech Mokono, tie for first place in the 500 Festival Mini-Marathon. Hillary beats Barack in the Indiana primary by a slim margin. TV news icon Mike Wallace turns 90; Wild Things author and artist Maurice Sendak turns 80. A powerful earthquake devastates China’s Sichuan province, leaving more than 80,000 dead. The Bush Administration lists polar bears as a “threatened species” due to the adverse effects of global warming on their habitat. Indianapolis lands the 2012 Super Bowl. Sen. Ted Kennedy is diagnosed with a life-threatening brain tumor. A few days after flying out of his cage and getting lost near Tokyo, an African grey parrot tells a vet, “I’m Mr. Yosuke Nakamura,” and recites his home address, allowing him to be reunited with his owner, the real Mr. Nakamura. Scott Dixon wins the newly unified IRL/Champ Car Indy 500, and Sameer Mishra, 13, of West Lafayette, wins the Annual Scripps Spelling Bee.
JUNE
Child actor Jerry “The Beaver” Mathers turns 60. Obama clinches the Democratic presidential nomination. The magnificent Prince turns 50. Masterful TV political newsman Tim Russert dies at age 58. Super nasty singer R. Kelly is acquitted of child porn charges. Gay marriage is legalized in California. Indiana’s U.S. Rep. Dan “Worst Congressman Ever” Burton turns 70. Profane and profound comic George Carlin dies at 71. Zimbabwe’s cruel and unusual president Robert Mugabe “wins” reelection in a presidential race in which only he is running.
JULY
American champion Joey Chestnut defeats arch-rival Takeru Kobayashi at the annual Coney Island hot dog-eating contest; in an unprecedented tie-breaking eat-off, Chestnut pushes his total to 64 hot dogs and buns for the win. Unaware that his microphone is on during a break in a TV interview, the Rev. Jesse Jackson tells another guest that Barack Obama is “talking down to black people” and “telling niggers how to behave,” and that the reverend would like to “cut his nuts off.” Jackson later apologizes to the Obama camp and the American public. Ubiquitous actor Kevin Bacon turns 50. Annoying diet and fitness guru Richard Simmons turns 60. People around the world celebrate the birthday of South African leader and international hero Nelson Mandela, who turns 90. NASCAR’s Brickyard 400 is totally screwed up due to untested car changes resulting in rapid tire wear; Indy’s irrepressible and irreverent sportswriter Bob Kravitz calls it, “A fiasco. A joke … the Competition Yellow 400.” A spokesman for Dan Quayle announces that the former V.P. has declined an invitation to appear on the popular TV program Dancing with the Stars — damn!
AUGUST
China stages a massive, magical opening for the 2008 Summer Olympics. Former senator, past presidential hopeful and lying hypocrite John Edwards admits to an extra-marital affair in 2006 that he had previously denied. Russia and Georgia engage in a mini-war. Much-loved comedian Bernie Mac dies at age 50. Hot buttered soul singer Isaac Hayes dies at 65. Shelbyville’s Sandy Allen — at 7-foot-7-and-one-fourth-inches tall, famous as the World’s Tallest Woman — dies at age 53. Super-buff, super-wealthy superstar Madonna turns 50. American swimmer Michael Phelps becomes part of Olympic history, winning eight gold medals in China. Pakistan’s President Pervez Musharraf resigns. Indy’s best-loved advocate for the poor, Lucious Newsom, dies at 93. Barack Obama picks Sen. Joe Biden as his running mate. Music’s strange man-child mutant, Michael Jackson, turns 50. John McCain’s pick for vice president is ... first term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin?!
SEPTEMBER
North Korea’s kooky dictator Kim Jung Il is presumed to be, um, ill; experts on the secretive regime believe it is likely that he suffered a stroke. U.S. troop deaths in Afghanistan reach 113 for the year, the highest annual death toll since fighting began in 2001. Hurricane Ike pummels the coast of Texas. Several key U.S. financial institutions collapse as America’s economy heads straight down the crapper. Movie star, philanthropist and auto racer Paul Newman dies at 83. Omigod — singer Clay Aiken reveals that he is gay.
OCTOBER
After a hiker finds a pilot’s license and other items belonging to missing adventurer Steve Fossett, searchers locate the crash site and his remains in a rugged California mountain range. Congress passes a $700 billion bailout package for America’s crumbling financial industry. O.J. Simpson is found guilty of kidnapping, armed robbery and other charges stemming from his botched memorabilia heist last year. Financial markets around the world tumble. Connecticut becomes the third state to legalize gay marriage. Doctors give V.P. Dick Cheney’s heart a jolt to correct an irregular rhythm. Ringo Starr says he will no longer accept any fan mail, adding, “And no objects to be signed. Nothing. Anyway, peace and love, peace and love.” The federal deficit hits an all-time high: $455 billion. Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens is found guilty of felony corruption charges related to his acceptance of gifts and expensive home renovations. Pulitzer Prize-winning author and champion of the working class, Studs Terkel, dies at age 96.
NOVEMBER
Barack Obama becomes the first black man to be elected president of the United States of America, even carrying the traditionally red state of Indiana. Mitch Daniels is re-elected as our state’s governor. California voters reject the recently passed law allowing gay marriage (proving legislated discrimination is alive and well in America). Drummer Mitch Mitchell, last surviving member of the Jimi Hendrix Experience, dies at age 61. Prince Charles of Great Britain turns 60. Somalian pirates seize the Saudi supertanker Sirius Star, which is carrying approximately $100 million of crude oil. More than 100 retired U.S. generals and admirals recommend scrapping the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in order to allow gays to serve openly in the military. Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens narrowly loses re-election. The world’s oldest person, Edna Parker of Shelbyville, dies after a life spanning 115 years and 120 days. Suspected Islamic militants stage coordinated attacks in Mumbai, India, killing more than 170 people.
DECEMBER
Barack Obama chooses former rival Hillary Clinton to be his administration’s secretary of state. Detroit’s Big Three automakers appear before Congress, begging for billions of bailout bucks. Stumbling, mumbling rock star Ozzy Osbourne turns 60. The Department of Labor reports that more than half a million jobs were lost last month. O.J. Simpson is sentenced to 33 years in prison (and will serve at least nine years) for his armed robbery conviction. In a new low, even for Illinois politics, Gov. Rob Blagojevich is arrested for trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama. Chaos reigns in Greece after days of riots and destruction following the death of a teenage boy in a police shooting. The world’s most famous girlie magazine model, Bettie Page, dies at age 85. While delivering a speech in Baghdad, George W. Bush dodges two shoes thrown by an irate Iraqi reporter shouting in Arabic, “This is a farewell kiss, you dog!” The shoe-thrower, Muntadhar al-Zeidi, becomes an instant hero throughout the Arab world and is applauded by many in the U.S. and other Western countries.
