Warning: Don't eat Toxic Waste 

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Some public service announcements shouldn't be necessary. But it's good to know that in this crazy mixed up world of ours with false advertising on every street corner, ineffective miracle products and deceptive corporate tycoons doing anything to make a buck, there's still a company out there with the balls to name their product responsibly.

In one of the more shockingly true press releases of all time, Indianapolis-based firm Circle City Marketing and Distribution (doing business as "Candy Dynamics") has announced a recall of Toxic Waste® Nuclear Sludge® Chew Bars, which were distributed at the Children's Museum's 2010 haunted house.

It is not April Fool's Day, and you are not reading The Onion. The bars have twice the amount of FDA-tolerated lead content, and could cause health problems for infants, small children and pregnant women. Even more ironic/coincidental/absurd/unbelievable is that the *Nuclear* sludge bars are imported from Pakistan. Presumably by some desperate terrorist cell, frustrated by numerous foiled plots, resorting to a more patient long-term scheme to poison America's children a tenth of a part of lead per million at a time. Perhaps these were the nuclear weapons of mass destruction G.W. was looking for in Iraq.

Trace amounts of lead in Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge....I never thought I'd see the day. Next thing you know they're going to tell us there's lead in our drinking water.

So, if you happen to be one of the—- I'm guessing here— six people in this city that need to be concerned about the Pakistani poison bars, this is the section of the blog where you can stop searching for information relevant to your affliction. Although I'm guessing if you were suffering the crippling effects of lead poisoning, I doubt you waited three months to find out whether or not it was from that invitingly cheap candy you bought at Children's Museum last October. And if you did, you probably didn't wait another week after the recall was issued to read my belated report on it. And if you did THAT, you probably gave up on finding any useful information by the third sentence. But, in case anyone legitimately concerned about the recall did make it this far, then I suppose I owe you some prudent advice:

Call the Children's Museum and they will help you properly dispose of the products. Also, don't buy a product with a label openly boasting about its poison content.

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Andrew Roberts

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