Egor S. Grand
The Indiana Chamber of Commerce recently proposed that the long-embraced motto of our state, Crossroads of America, receive an upgrade - an upgrade that acknowledges the foreign ownership of many essential aspects of our state's day-to-day business, from the French-owned water company to the half-way-around-the-world companies who will soon own our highway infrastructure.
In a press conference yesterday, Indiana Chamber of Commerce President Delila Deckard unveiled the new, proposed motto: Indiana, Crossroads of the Planet.
"It reflects," she told reporters and officials, "the increasing global reach of the Hoosier state. Of course we've had it for some time with our Indianapolis 500, but now it seems the rest of the state is finally catching up."
Opposition to the new motto was immediate, including a quickly-assembled group who call themselves Hoosier for keeping Hoosiers Hoosiers (HHH). Their spokesperson, who preferred anonymity, sent a hand-written statement that enumerated the many dangers of handing over infrastructure hegemony to "ferrinners." Among the many concerns stated by the HHH, "Last time we looked, ferrinners tended to be slimmer than the normal Hoosier. What's next, obesity is outlawed?"
"We understand the fear-reaction among our citizens," Deckard said in a phone interview. "Hoosiers don't like change, for sure, but our point is, it was already changing. All we're doing is putting a new stamp on it.
"Besides," she added, "if global warming continues to accelerate, we may not only find ourselves poised to be the next East Coast, we may bear the weight of having to be the West Coast as well. Best of all, we are ready to embrace those worldly responsibilities."