the year in HAIKU 

[this is satire]

[this is satire]
new laws designed to reduce drinking will put the “ire” back in Ireland hunt for weapons of mass destruction mostly turns up mass distraction Syria fears that the U.S. is serial liberation front Bush’s promise to support global AIDS is just read-his-lips service Mother Teresa copyrighted so MT can become TM I’d really like to sex up this haiku but I can’t figure out how Jerusalem bus blown up proving that martyrs just traffic in tears United Nations are mostly united in their disdain for Bush administration suggests Iraq change name to Halliburtonaq CIA snubbed last minute Iraqi plea hell bent for holy war U.N. believes that Israeli wall will compound existing conflict Bush stands firm as the Iraqi desert swallows another GI marketing coup is accomplished as Bush pulls a turkey cameo
Feds believe “dolphin- safe” label means that Flipper will go to heaven Richard Reid, the Shoe Bomber, is sentenced to life in prison, barefoot protesting doctors in New Jersey will perform surgeries Tai Chi NASA determines that Columbia’s wings did not have enough prayers missile defense shield shall proceed without testing; they’ll just use the Force Bush tells governors that states’ best hope is to kiss their assets goodbye AIDS money stopped by conservatives’ global gag me with a spoon rule the phrase “Road Map” is the best you can get when you’ve pissed off the poets Bush wants to turn an effective program into an Americorpse assembly line man shoots his fellow workers one after another to save money the Post Office won’t deliver in rain, sleet or snow Vermont’s Howard Dean wants to be the president of the Internet beltway gossip says both Powells are ready to throw in the towel Ashcroft indicates everyone is safer when we’re all repressed House rep Janklow may get a DWB: driving without brains open container law broken by woman who breastfed while driving Ten Commandments stone moved by workers: Thou Shalt Not Create Hernias hurricane hammers the East Coast seaboard for whom the Isabel tolls note to Pentagon: change the term “friendly fire” to “unfortunate aim” new info reveals that Schwarzenegger may have groped Adolf Hitler lost hunter burns down California so he can see where he is research says only gain in crime is the crime of local TV news Bush continues his progress toward leaving no unborn child behind EPA lawyers, instead of litigating, opt for aqualungs I’m going back to college so I can download my music for free White House will release 9/11 documents after its Black Pen study indicates that all Nafta did was make Bill Clinton happy after the fight on Medicare Congress just runs out of energy some fear GOP is trying to find a way to behead Head Start
the Who’s Pete Townshend is accused of ogling the wrong generation Douglas/Zeta-Jones wedding shots land in court for first degree ugly new study finds that U.S. kids are improving at watching TV Jennifer and Ben’s ceremony will be shunned at the box office
bin Ladened by debt United Airlines files for chapter 11 Bechtel awarded Iraq contract; it’s Christmas for all Bush buddies Alan Greenspan may end up lasting longer than our economy chairman of the Stock Exchange quits over big bucks his ass is Grasso John Snow goes out on a limb, says job growth has more than a chance in hell Anthem buys Well Point to form world’s most confusing phone tree labyrinth
Sloan, Artest, Wallace will form new NBA team, the Temper Tantrums the decision to oust “Bull Durham” brings baseball into Hall of Shame the men behind the Wizards’ curtain decide to show Jordan the door claim against Kobe makes one wonder if he was obeying his thirst Chris Webber accepts lawyers’ plea agreement to avoid being grilled Cubs succumb to the vortex: Windy City in a river of tears recently, athletes are way more likely to be seen in court than on LeBron James’ debut so stirring it might improve relations with France
13.7 billion years means universe is in puberty if the universe is shaped like a doughnut, that would make Homer God leave it to the French scientists to figure out how to clone a rat research says portions of meals expanding at the same rate as bellies FDA: cloned food is OK to eat but it all tastes like chicken ancient fossil found in England had a penis in need of increase
the inventor of voicemail, Gordon Matthews, dies: may he rest in beep! at seventy-four television’s Fred Rogers finally goes Home Charles Bronson dies; tough guy movie star’s death wish finally comes true felled in Chicago O’Bannon ne’er recovers … Hoosiers in great grief singer/songwriter Warren Zevon in the end gets his chance to sleep Johnny Cash dies at seventy-one so he can walk the final line now John Ritter will have plenty of company in the afterlife Galileo ends its career in Jupiter’s fiery embrace writer and actor George Plimpton dies; the paper lion’s final roar. Bobby Hatfield, dead at sixty-three years old, lost that living feeling Frank McCloskey dies at 64; Hoosiers lose another fine son comic Art Carney dies at eighty-five; goes on final honeymoon

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Jim Poyser

Jim Poyser

Jim Poyser is Executive Director of Earth Charter Indiana, a statewide organization that was one of over two dozen nonprofit partners in Greening the Statehouse. A former managing editor of NUVO, he won HEC’s Environmentalist of the Year Award in 2013.

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