Egor S. Grand
In support of his State of the Union initiatives to increase student interest in math and science, President Bush spent last week traveling around the country.
At a high school in Dallas, Bush told the assembled student body that he had "flown in on a magic carpet from Washington," a flying machine that combines "math, science and a little magic."
Bush encouraged the students to learn the "mysterious ways of the abacus," and to investigate, once and for all, if the "Earth is truly flat or not."
There were, he told them, areas of math and science that were "taboo," such as determining infinity and cloning humans. Those matters, he said, were "up to God who is the Great Calculator in the sky."
Further, he encouraged the students that they could eventually find jobs trying to figure out how to improve conditions on the planet, "once we're all out of oil and there is no ozone left and we're trapped in a constant state of vicious winter."
Other areas of study essential to the continued growth of America, according to Bush, include "surveillance, spying and eavesdropping. If you can use your math and science to also privatize these activities, all the better."
After taking two questions, neither of which touched upon science or math, Bush finished by saying, "I am the silence president." Then corrected himself, "I mean I am the science president."
Bush re-boarded his magic carpet en route to Atlantis, Ga.