Republicans: losing it 

Hold on just a while longer

Hold on just a while longer
In my many years on earth, I have said, "Fuck you," to dozens, if not hundreds or thousands, of people.
Think about it, people. Barring another 5-4 vote of the Supreme Court and/or vote tampering in Florida, the Bushes have just a few more months to live in the White House. It won't be too long before the former first couple is back in Texas, shooting at squirrels and getting millionaires to give them their money.
And while I've never taken my ridiculously beautiful model/actress wife to a Parisian sex club, I can't say the notion doesn't appeal to me on several levels. The difference between me and Vice President Cheney is that I'm not in a job where I'm supposed to set a good example for the kids of America. And my boss didn't get his job by promising to "change the tone" and be "compassionate" to his adversaries. And the difference between me and former Illinois senate candidate Jack Ryan is that I've never proclaimed to be an ultra-religious family man and I've never tried to get a job because I'm so darned moral. That means I can drop the F-bomb on anyone I choose, and if I had a beautiful actress/model wife, I could try to talk her into anything I chose, assuming she didn't slap me first. I can't manage my own personal finances for crap, but I've never taken the biggest budget surplus in history, turned it into the biggest deficit ever and then boasted about it, like Mitch Daniels did. The fact that prominent Republicans are acting so erratically lately tells me that they've lost it. They're losing the election and they're losing their minds. D-day is a few months away and they know they're fighting a losing battle. The closer we get to November, the more bizarre and desperate their antics will become. George Bush was filmed standing in his underwear the other day, a futile effort to capture the female and gay vote. And he snapped at an Irish reporter the other day, ruining his chances for the critical leprechaun and soapmaking demographics. Like Kerry said the other day, if Cheney is cursing at Democrats now, just wait until November. Think about it, people. Barring another 5-4 vote of the Supreme Court and/or vote tampering in Florida, the Bushes have just a few more months to live in the White House. It won't be too long before the former first couple is back in Texas, shooting at squirrels and getting millionaires to give them their money. We just have to hold on a little while longer. Don't complain too much about the present, because the freedom train is a-comin'. It won't be long before Rehnquist, Scalia and Thomas will be back in the minority on the Supreme Court. They'll have to find new playmates to help them dismantle the Bill of Rights. John Ashcroft will be back in Missouri, managing a grocery store and making his employees' lives miserable with his singing. Rush Limbaugh will have to start scoring his dope on the street corner again once we get a good national health plan that discourages junkies. Donald Rumsfeld will have to buy his Rogaine, Just For Men hair dye and Viagra with his own money. And Michael Powell will have to content himself by writing strongly worded letters to television executives every time a woman shows cleavage on national TV. Ketchup won't be a vegetable anymore when freedom day comes. The gates of liberty are just a few months away from swinging wide open once again. And since there's nothing the conservatives can do about it, I'm going to let them in on a little secret. This whole "John Kerry" thing is just an excuse to get Bill and Hillary Clinton back into power. The plans are already drawn up and will take effect in January. Bill's going to seduce half the women in the country and Hillary is going to turn the other half into lesbians. The term "beheading" will only be used to describe Clinton's sexual preferences. Abortions will not only be legal but mandatory. Everyone in the country will be required to enter into a gay marriage. And the New World Order concentration camps will be set up after the government takes away all the guns, box cutters and Toby Keith records. Barbra Streisand records and Sean Penn movies will be the only things allowed on radio and television, other than the pornographic films that will replace SpongeBob on the Nickelodeon channel. We're going to pry the "W" key off all your keyboards. We're going to give Fidel Castro a trillion-dollar bill so he can go on a shopping spree. NASCAR will become illegal,. Also outlawed will be the Bible and Bo Derek movies. Ronald Reagan's face won't be on the $20 bill; Slick Willy's will. Right Guard will become Left Guard. The man on the Brawny Paper Towel package will become even gayer-looking than he is now. The "Kerry" campaign is drafting legislation to place everyone on welfare, to give illegal aliens more rights than Americans and to let all the violent criminals free from our prisons. In other words, it's your worst nightmare, Sean Hannity. Your type is about to become as obsolete as brontosaurus burgers. Fox News is going to have to find new and creative ways to blame every single event on the Clintons. Yep, it will be a glorious day when freedom rings again. All we have to do is hold on just a little while longer. Don't give up hope yet. Things always look darkest before the dawn.

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