Egor S. Grand One of Indy’s largest corporations has named a new CFO in a move that surprised many insiders. McCarlton Dweeb, a highly respected biotech company, arrived in Indiana five years ago, heralding an era of innovation and development. The company did not disappoint, more than doubling their profits and, in the process, positioning itself as a major player on Wall Street. Company spokespeople announced yesterday that Hal Waterstoneton, a vice president for internal affairs at McCarlton Dweeb, was ready to take the reigns. Waterstoneton told reporters that he “was honored at the trust the shareholders and company owners had placed in me.” He added that he was excited to take on the new challenges because “I need to spend less time with my family. This promotion means I’ll hardly ever see them.” Waterstoneton has a wife of 17 years, Edith; together the married couple has three children, 15, 13 and 4 years old, respectively. “In my previous job,” he continued, “I had to put in some 60 or 70 hour weeks, which kept me away from home, but now, sheesh, it’ll be more like 80 or 90 hours, plus all the travel.” Waterstoneton stated that he has “no issues as such with Edith. She’s a gem and a champ. My kids are great, too, I just find them a distraction, really, and this new job is a perfect excuse to pretty much disappear.” It’s expected that Waterstoneton’s new duties will begin immediately, as well as his retreat from family life.