I took your advice (from “Therapy Thursday” on the Smiley Morning Show) and talked to my older sister. She left me a note to call her when I came home last Wednesday. I called her. Everything started out OK, but then went to hell two seconds later. Another fight erupted between me and my sister, and now we’re not speaking to each other for an even longer time. She is still pretty upset with me about what happened. I just hope that my family’s holiday gatherings will not be overshadowed by the raging war of words between my sister and myself. What should I do to reconcile with my older sister? I think you’re great, Lou. Keep up the good work! :)
Sometimes, if you really want peace, you must pick up a white flag and drop your banner of being right. Even if you’re completely lacking in fault and your sister is simply being unreasonable (which, I might add, is nowhere near likely), you might just have to be the better person. What does this entail? That means no baiting your sister by saying things you know will incite her to anger. No bringing up sore subjects; walking away should your sister be the one to antagonize you. If you take control and set the tone of your relationship with her, it’s likely she’ll follow suit. If it turns out that you are the one who is usually throwing gasoline on the familial fire, then this new behavior will doubtless be a welcome change. Still, if she tends to be the “one who started it,” once she realizes (repeatedly) that her attempts to rile you fail, she’ll stop trying. It’s no fun to be a shit if it has no effect on anyone. In most cases, hearing someone say things like “get over it,” “walk away” or “drop it” make me want to spit nails. These phrases are usually the product of lower intelligence and lack of sensitivity. But every once in a while, they do hold merit. In this case, I’d say suck it up and don’t get dragged back into fruitless conflict with your sis, or anyone for that matter. Conflict is good when held in the spirit of trying to address and solve problems. But if all you’re doing is spinning your wheels, all you get is stuck. Good luck, and keep your temper. It’s not always nice to share.