NEW Charges against kerry 

[this is satire]

[this is satire]

A new ad just released in swing states about John Kerry’s war record is another swipe at the senator’s stint in Vietnam. Last month, an ad disputing Kerry’s various war hero activities was aired, then dropped. A new one, this one produced by the Americans for Innocuous Sounding Organization Names that Mask Vicious Points of View (AISONMVPV), goes one step further.

The ad claims that John Kerry was not the captain of a Swift boat, but of a Swish boat. As one Vietnam veteran in the spot declares, “Kerry’s Swish boat was the gayest of the gay. They were all of the time putting on dresses and mincing about. We drove by their boat one day, and they were all dancing. It was a disgrace.”

Another vet, unnamed in the advertisement, says, “The Swish boat was notorious in Nam. That’s where all the homos hung out together, getting nasty with each other. From what I heard, John Kerry’s group was the worst. Most feminine is what I mean.”

A Kerry spokesperson denounced the ad and said, “Once again the Bush Administration has made up lies about John Kerry’s exemplary war record.”

A Bush spokesperson countered, “We have never cast aspersions on John Kerry’s war record. We are proud of the blowjob — I mean job — that he performed there on other soldiers. I mean with other soldiers. And we in no way want to even connect the fact that the Purple Heart is the same color as that one Teletubby who’s, you know, that way.”

When asked about the new ad, John McCain, outspoken critic of both parties’ approach to campaign advertising, responded, “What? I’m not gay.”

Moveup.org, enraged by the Swift boat advertisement, plans to release an ad about Bush’s unexplained leave from National Air Guard duty. In it, the ad will allegedly show images of George W. Bush drunk and disorderly in an Alabama brothel, with cocaine stains on his nose, prostitutes on his lap and a marijuana joint tucked behind his ear.

That ad has been pre-denounced by Kerry who has insisted that Bush post-denounce all negative ads pertaining to his war record. When Bush was asked by reporters at the White House about renouncing the ads, he shook his head for seven minutes before saying OK.

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