For several weeks I’ve been reading your column to see if anyone was having the same issues as me. For four years, off and on, I have been dating someone who lives four and a half hours away. I would drive there every weekend. We had our share of problems, nothing big. After two years went by she gave me this date to move there, or she would go on with her life. But having a good-paying job here and the market being terrible I didn’t feel comfortable moving. So the date came and she moved on. Eight months later, we both had been in different relationships when she called. She said she changed the things we argued about, realized them and had worked on them. I never had gotten over her, so all this sounded wonderful. The first week I was there I found her writing numbers down out of my cell phone. I let her ask me questions. She got really upset about some of the numbers, as they were from other women. I figured since she was asking questions about my past, I would do the same. I asked if she still had feelings for the guy. She was honest and said it hurt when it didn’t work, but no, she saw no future. So I dropped the subject. Then she used my car to go to work. My cell phone had broken and I was told to write down my phone log and send them my phone. Well, I forgot about this log and she found it buried under the bottom of my glove box. That night when she got home, she went ballistic on me. Grabbed my clothes and threw them out. The next morning we discussed it further and worked it out. The last straw was when I told her after she kept throwing my stuff out and telling me to leave that I would not give up my apartment until I got a job and could afford my own place. Fought all night; she started throwing punches. The next morning I told her I was going back home to think about this. That night I got a phone call telling me it was over. About a month later I forgot some clothes up there and e-mailed her. Reply was: Can’t find your stuff. Sorry! The following night I get a phone call from her. Asked how I was doing, small talk. Then she informed me she had moved on and I should do the same, admitted to throwing my stuff away, the same day I e-mailed her. Now here is where I’m confused. I come to find out that she is in a relationship with the guy she dated during the months we were apart. Why would you go back to someone that you said you had no future with? People don’t change in four months. What bugs me is, I feel she moved on so quickly and I’m still licking my wounds. Did she ever really care for me, like she said? Does any of this make sense? Confused Dear Confused,
I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt. But in reality, these nagging feelings should eventually give way to a colossal “Whew!” on your part. Sure, she cared about you, as much as an emotionally screwed up person can. Break the habit of worrying about her latest catastrophe-to-be. Continue with your recovery, and accept no phone calls from her, EVER. Trust me; over time you’ll realize just how lucky you are. Manipulative, paranoid, irrational, violent. This is not a girl to long for.