Magnets gone wrong 

A tragic car acc

A tragic car accident last month on Interstate 69 has elicited more than the usual outpouring of interest. The driver, Dale "Deck" Deckard, of Bedfordsvilleton, was alone when his car mysteriously combusted just under the State Road 96 overpass. Only remnants of Deckard and his car can be found. One local scientist believes he can solve the mystery of the combustion. We interviewed Dr. Cal Pecuniun at his office on the campus of IUPUIPUI. According to photographs and information provided by the family, Dr. Pecuniun's working theory is an instance of "magnetic cata-polarity reversal." He showed us a photo of the back of Deckard's late model Oldsmobile. "See? There are some 21 different magnets on the back of the car." Indeed, Deckard was displaying nearly two dozen magnets, from the "Support our Troops" ribbon to the Blue Star Service Banner to magnet ribbons for each branch of the military, along with magnetic images of President Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Rush Limbaugh. "The resonance of this many magnets," Dr. Pecuniun said, "is equivalent to 6.57 vectares, strong enough to lift a 35 pound toddler into the air, not that I or anyone else would subject a toddler to such a dangerous activity." When Deckard's car passed under the overpass, Dr. Pecuniun said, "the metal fiber filaments contained in the trusses of the overpass interacted with the 6.57 vectare resonance." This, he said, coupled with the "polarity of I-69 vs. State Road 96," created what Dr. Pecuniun terms a "magnetic cata-polarity reversal. The force and counter-force created a kind of 'hall-of-mirrors' effect, that produced a spinning 'dog-chasing-his-tail' vortex that resulted in the instantaneous incineration of the vehicle, along with its occupant." Shaking his head, Dr. Pecuniun remarked, "From what I gather, it's particularly a shame because Deckard had neither war experience himself nor does he know anyone actually fighting. He was just ... supportive. Just doesn't seem right." Pecuniun plans to write a paper on magnetic cata-polarity reversal and publish it in next month's Journal of the Weird but Possibly True Scientific Stuff.

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