[this is satire]
It was a routine stop for Indianapolis Police Department’s David Strongarm last Saturday night. The late model Buick in front of his patrol car had both taillights out, and so the veteran police officer signaled for the car to pull over. Approaching the vehicle, however, Strongarm was held spellbound by the drawings that covered the car. “I just stood there in the street,” the officer recalled. “It was beautiful.” The car, owned and driven by longtime Indy resident Bud “Doofus” Deckhard, is emblazoned with drawings of handguns, rifles, AK47s, missile launchers, tanks and other weaponry. “I’m a gun nut,” Deckhard remarked from his Westside home yesterday. “Pure and simple. My brother-in-law, Reckon Deckhard, he’s the artist.” Strongarm was motivated to contact his supervisor, who then contacted other local law enforcement. Within an hour, a dozen officials surrounded Deckhard’s car, taking photos. Neighbors came out of their houses and other drivers stopped, ogling the car’s artwork. Someone — Deckhard doesn’t remember who — suggested that his car was more than a traveling piece of art, it was a city treasure. By Monday, that sentiment had spread throughout the city and by Tuesday a decision had been made to place Deckhard’s car atop the Soldiers & Sailors Monument on the Circle in downtown Indianapolis. A mayoral aide, Denny McDenny, said that “Deckhard’s hardscrabble patriotism and bootstrap innovation needed to be honored, especially in times of national uncertainty.” For Deckhard, the decision is fortuitous. “My old car couldn’t have had more’n a hundred miles left in her. I was throwing a rod, is my guess. Plus, my wife was sick to death of it anyway. She hates guns. Now who’s the one been proved right?” Strongarm declined to give Deckhard a ticket for his taillight violation. Best of all, local dealer Hummers ’R’ Us has offered to replaced Deckhard’s aging vehicle with a brand-new Hummer. Deckhard’s car will be raised by crane and placed on the monument to commemorate Bush’s upcoming State of the Union address.