[this is satire]
Eli Lilly and Co.’s recent plan to build a biotechnology complex is increasing to nearly twice its initial size. Company officials held a press conference where the project broke ground last week.
“Well, we thought it was going to be yay big,” Lilly spokesperson Ralston Pupil said, holding his hands approximately 12 inches apart, like a fisherman describing the one that got away. “Instead,” he added, increasing the space between his hands to 2 feet, “the whole thing has, like, grown to … wow!” Pupil was unable to continue for a moment. One reporter reported that Pupil muttered the word “dude” as he shook his head in apparent wonderment at the vast space between his hands. After an awkward couple of moments, Pupil said the new complex will now total 788,500 square feet, a dimension that none of the assembled reporters could even begin to visualize. A Lilly official who declined to be named says that the explanation for the doubling in size is simple. “We had a breach in one of our Cialis vats. It spilled on the floor, and somehow got into the water system here.” The official added, “The truth is, lately, everything around here has doubled in size.” Lilly officials, those willing to be named and those unwilling to be named, declined to speculate on whether the biotechnology complex will continue to grow.