Libertarians to change party name 

Justin Jest with reporting help from Ros

With reporting help from Roscoe Steed

A dramatic meeting at the party's Martinsville headquarters last week has led to the Indiana Libertarians announcing they will be changing the group's name. Effective Jan. 1, the former Libertarians will be officially known as the "I Got Mine" Party.

"We feel this new name better reflects our political philosophy," said party spokesperson Jonathan Weitfello. "By liberty, we mean only our own freedom to not pay taxes. The old name led to some confusion with voters who mistakenly believed our definition of liberty included any concern for other people's survival."

Weitfello acknowledged the meeting featured fierce debate over several candidates for the new name, including the 3 PerCenters and the NUVO Letter Writers Club. (This reporter regrets the error in a prior article stating that the party had already agreed to change its name to The Darwinians.) A compromise was reached only after party officials re-established common ground through their shared belief that the Constitution is the only legitimate U.S. law.

A motion was unanimously approved to honor the document's framers by designating African-American members of the party as three-fifths of a person with no voting rights. An amendment to allow white party members to legally purchase members of color (so long as they could personally afford a down payment) was tabled. For the time being, the new rule has no effect.

Officials confirm there has never been a member of the party who is not a smug white male. In a related matter, Marion Superior Court records show that Libertarian-turned-Republican Andrew Horning, an unsuccessful candidate for a variety of elected offices, has legally changed his name to Harold Stassen.

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