Leonard Nimoy's "Bilbo Baggins" 

Totally wrong webjunk

Totally wrong webjunk

It starts out with an alarmingly fresh-faced young lady, obviously from the 1960s, wearing a big pin that reads, “Hobbits UNITE!” It only gets worse from there.

The bootleg video circulating the Internet is like the Matrix: Nobody can really be told what it is. You have to see for yourself. It’s a cheesy video capture of a 1960s music video of Leonard Nimoy singing (poorly) “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins,” with a bunch of teen-age girls dancing along (even more poorly) to the action.

Nimoy’s the only one without pointed ears, as a cadre of ersatz-hobbit dancers awkwardly but enthusiastically perform the Bilbo Baggins Dance, which looks like a chipmunk with epilepsy.

Their rendition of the fight for the Ring is another high point, as dragon battles are re-enacted with kids throwing shrubbery all over the place.

Online chatterers debate as to where exactly it comes from — probably some Lawrence Welk-style variety show — but little doubt remains that it is certainly the worst vocal performance from any Trek actor not named Shatner.

And yet, like Shatner’s overly sincere albums, you find yourself unable to completely condemn it. It’s so bad and agonizingly pointless you end up watching it again and again, wondering who the hell greenlit this stuff even as you savor every last drop of the humiliation.

The video can be found on many Internet sites; do a Google search for “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins” to find where it currently is.

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