Kate's Besties: Super Bowl edition 

Madonna as Cleopatra.
  • Madonna as Cleopatra.
Although it's true I was not one of the 68,658 people with adequate money or clout to attend Super Bowl XLVI in person, I did snag a highly coveted invitation to my sister's house to watch the game. In attendance at this highly exclusive event: 14 loud Giants followers (including me) and one depressed Patriots fan. Here are our besties for the night, in the four categories that count most: Best Player Name, Best Play of the Game, Best Commercial, and Best Part of Halftime Show.

Best Player Name
Hands down, this award goes to BenJarvus Green-Ellis of the New England Patriots. They don't call him "The Law Firm" for nothing.

Best Play of the Game
I'm torn here. The obvious choice is the spectacular 38-yard pass lofted by Giants quarterback Eli Manning to Mario Manningham late in the fourth quarter. Although extremely well covered, Manningham, tiptoeing along the sideline, managed to snatch the catch and stay in bounds. Suddenly, the Giants found themselves in an exceedingly good position — at the 50-yard line, down two points, with just under four minutes to go. Indeed, they would go on to score, taking a four-point lead — a lead they would keep until the final buzzer. But I could make the case for another play: the near sack of New England quarterback Tom Brady by Giants defensive end Justin Tuck. Under pressure by Tuck, Brady threw a 50-yard pass to, I presume, some crickets at midfield, and was called for intentional grounding. Because Brady was in the end zone when he released the ball, that penalty translated into a safety — putting two points on the scoreboard for the Giants. In the end, it was those two points that prevented the Patriots from being able to simply kick a field goal for the win on their last failed drive of the game.

Best Commercial
I am sorry to report that most of this year's commercials sucked. I mean, really, Bud Light Platinum? That's the best you can do? Also, Teleflora, although it's true that sending a woman flowers might improve one's chances of getting laid (hint to a certain unnamed someone who lives with me [but is not my kid or my dog]), don't you think it's maybe a little tacky to pretty much come out and say that? And hey, Go Daddy, no one actually thinks if they go to your website after your commercial that they're actually going to get to see Danica Patrick's boobs, so how about you quit acting like they are? That's not to say there weren't a few bright spots. Like the excellent Fiat Abarth bit with the smokin' hot Italian lady, and the VW ad with the dieting dog (although I could have done without the Star Wars bit at the end). My favorite: The Dorito's spot with the murderous Great Dane, who buys his owner's silence with a bag of nacho cheese chips. Funny! Like a Super Bowl commercial is supposed to be!

Best Part of Halftime Show
If one were to construct a Venn diagram of NFL followers and Madonna aficionados, the area of intersection would be smaller than Bill Belichick's tie collection. Which was why I was baffled when the NFL selected her as the performer for the halftime show. But although I did throw up just a little in my mouth when she emerged from the tunnel in full Cleopatra garb, and although I did spend most of her show worried she was going to injure herself in those boots, I have to admit that in the end, Madge (along with LMFAO, Nicki Minaj, Cee Lo Green, M.I.A. and M.I.A.'s middle finger) delivered. For one thing, she looked great. In fact, she looked so great, I have to assume she participates in some sort of unspeakable ritual to maintain her youth — like maybe she eats babies or something. And I'll admit, the "Like a Prayer" bit did make me want to make physical movements with my body that roughly approximated "dancing."


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Kate Shoup

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