[this is satire]
Authorities in Toronto are still scratching their heads over a melee that broke out over the weekend. Concert-goers awaiting entrance to the Trouble Spot Amphitheater were stunned when promoters announced that the scheduled bands would not be performing.
The bands — Can’t Get Through U.S. Customs and When We Don’t Show Up, People Go Apeshit — had apparently encountered difficulties trying to cross the border. The disappointed concert-goers grew more outraged as the news sunk in and they began to destroy surrounding properties on Ground Zero Avenue where Trouble Spot Amphitheater is situated. Properties that reported damage include The Sitting Duck Restaurant, Persecution Complex Pizzeria, the Bad Luck Café and the local Target department store. One of the protestors, Stu Temper, remarked, “That’s the second bloody time this has happened in the past month. You get amped up and then they don’t show. It’s a crock!” Law enforcement spokesperson Lt. Stiff Upperlip said, “We will not tolerate civil unrest of any type. The offenders will be rounded up, jailed and held responsible for their childish behavior.” Meanwhile, Can’t Get Through U.S. Customs and When We Don’t Show Up, People Go Apeshit have both issued statements, disavowing any endorsement of the rioting citizens’ behavior.