Egor S. Grand
Bowing to members of his own party, President Bush has decided to stage a "fireside chat" to explain to the American people his current plan for Iraq and the War on Terror. Presidents have long used a tactic of a more casual setting to get intimate with their constituencies.
Bush, though, wants to put his own spin on the "fireside chat" with what he calls "campfireside chat." The plan, according to a White House spokesperson, is for Bush to don his cowboy hat and boots, and sit beside a campfire to talk to the American people.
Other touches include quietly mooing cows in the background, along with a foreground dog of a mutt-breed nature. His trusty horse will be nearby as well. In addition, Bush plans on having beans brewing in an iron skillet placed upon the fire.
Finally, according to the spokesperson, after Bush has made his case for the Iraq war, justifying the enormous cost in human suffering and countless billions of dollars, Bush will let out "a little squeak of a fart."
Poll numbers show that while Bush's numbers are otherwise plummeting, he still is the kind of president many people would like to "have a beer" with, if the president did indeed drink alcohol. By extension, his advisors believe that this support base will be further endeared to Bush as he is the president people would most likely "want to share a good fart with."
The campfireside chat, scheduled for tomorrow night, will be broadcast live from a television studio in Texas as officials are concerned that weather might interfere.