Review: Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation 

*****
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I am not a novice when it comes to professional wrestling. I'm also not a stranger to midget wrestling. I even have a favorite: Skinny Timmy. A lot of the crowd was people purely there for the novelty of the sport. I really hope that I wasn't the only one there who was familiar with midget wrestling, because that would be an insult to the extremely talented wrestlers in the Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation.

The night kicked off with a battle royal with everyone on the roster in the ring to fight all at once to find out who fought whom and when. The last wrestler standing would get a championship match in the main event with champion Lil Nasty Boy. Skinny Timmy and Fabio were the first two eliminated, so they had the first match. Lil Show was pinned, followed by Machine being thrown over the ropes, so they had the second match, with a stipulation of two-out-of-three-falls. That left Mad Mex standing alone in the ring, earning his number one contender-ship for later in the night.

Skinny Timmy and Fabio's match started as soon as Mad Mex and Lil Nasty Boy exchanged barbs and left the ring. My first hint that people weren't familiar with EMWF was that people besides me were actually cheering Skinny Timmy. Fans love to hate Skinny Timmy. He proved why when he spouted off that he was back home in Indiana, but we shouldn't cheer, because we brainless drunk hicks were the reason he left. Ah, the boos. Those made things go back to normal. Don't question why I like him so much if he's a heel (a "bad guy"), I just think he's awesome, and the best.

Fabio was the classic baby face (a "good guy"); he was charming, cheerful, and had good looks. Fabio and Timmy really put on a great match; they had the crowd on their feet and cheering their lungs out. Skinny Timmy held the advantage during most of the match, earning his heel status when he constantly grounded Fabio with suplexes and a particularly nasty DDT. Fabio made a swift comeback with the elevated Boston crab, forcing Timmy to tap out, unbeknownst to referee Lil Rampage. Even though the tap out when unnoticed, the Boston crab did the damage and soon Fabio got the pin against Skinny Timmy.

Next came some seriously inappropriate and uncomfortable events. First, they started out by seemingly innocently asking six women to come to the ring for a dance competition. I volunteered; it seemed fun. The red flag popped up when they asked me if I was underage. When I confirmed that I was, they asked me to leave and had another girl come to the ring. They then explained that it wasn't just a dance competition, it was in fact a "Grind the Midget" dance competition. Holy crackers, was I glad I got out of there. Two wrestlers came out to the ring, Mad Mex and Lil Rampage. Three women were picked for each wrestler, and one by one they showed off their moves for one minute each. The two women who got the loudest cheers were awarded with their own dance from the guys. Um, let's just say those dances were more suited for peoples' private bedchambers, and I were very aware that my mother was right next to me. I saw a lot of skin; a lot of skin I didn't want to see. From anyone of any stature.

After that embarrassing and awkward spectacle, the matches proceeded. Machine and Lil Show's two-out-of-three-falls match included weapons of all shapes and sizes, from a baseball bat and cookie sheets to a trash can and a particularly rough ring post. Lil Show got the first pin, which was quickly followed by Machine getting the second one. Whoever got the third pin would be the winner. The brawl spilled out into the crowd: I was hit in the legs with Lil Show's flying body being crushed into trash can in front of me; it was awesome! My bruises show my dedication. Machine dominated most of the match with brief intervals of Lil Show pulling it around with some well-timed uppercuts and a trash can. It seemed to be all over for Lil Show after Machine battered him with a baseball bat after stuffing him head-first into the aforementioned trash can. Just then, Lil Show pulled off a herculean comeback and got the third pin!

The main event for the Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation Championship between Mad Mex and Lil Nasty Boy was the last match of the night. Lil Nasty Boy came out first, showboating and posing like a true champion that walks the fine line between heel and baby face. He had the crowd laughing with his dance moves and mouthing the lyrics to his entrance music of LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It." He even had a shirt that read, "I Work Out." Mad Mex didn't need to have a big entrance: we saw more than enough of him during the grind competition. Lil Nasty Boy seemed more content with playing to the crowd than wrestling his opponent: throughout the match he confronted both his hecklers while delighting his fans with high fives and one women got a lewd body to body rub with the champ. The advantage of the match swung like a pendulum between the two men, but eventually Mad Mex got the pin and the prestigious Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation Championship.

The only two things that bothered me were the extreme lewdness of the "dance" competition and the constant referral to moves with WWE names. The F.U., Vader Bomb, and Walls of Jericho were all mentioned which was confusing because the F.U. is John Cena's, the Vader Bomb is understandably Vader's, and the Walls of Jericho is Chris Jericho's. All of these moves are common and have basic names in wrestling, so it's not like they're the usual names for the moves; they're named those because those specific wrestlers have adopted them as finishers. It was blatant plagiarism on EMWF's part, and it was disheartening a bit that their ring announcer didn't bother to learn the actual names to the moves, preferring to take the lazy and wrong way out.

I loved watching the wrestlers of Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation; they were all incredibly talented and put on great matches with a lot of high spots.

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Joey Megan Harris

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