Downtown Diary 


by Rocky the Diabolical Cat™ I edged my old Saab out of the parking lot of the Pussy Idyll nightclub and onto the road. I was immediately pulled over by a policeman. "You have a brake light out. License and registration, please." "Here you go." "Hmmm, this all checks out. Do you mind if I have a look inside your car, Mr. R.T.D. Cat?" "My man, although I am flattered that you are so fascinated by my personal life that you would want to look inside my vehicle, I must decline your request, unless, of course, you have probable cause." "It is probable that you have something illegal in your car because you live in a poor neighborhood." "Sorry, no." "What's that I see in there? A stolen box of syringes?" "My man, I'm a diabetic. I'm sure you can see clearly the prescription label on the side of the box." There was silence. "What's your name by the way?" I asked. "Officer Stan Stalinovich. And I will get inside that car if I have to keep you stopped here all night." "Let's cut to the chase, my man: If you enter my car without probable cause, I will take you to court and you will face my personal lawyer, The Quig." "The ... The Quig? THE Quig?" Sweat beaded on his brow. "Yes, the one and only Quig of the Indiana Civil Liberties Union." "Er, have a good evening, sir, and always remember: We are here to serve and protect you!"

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