[this is satire]by Rocky the Diabolical Cat™
It had been dark for a couple of hours when Diana and I decided to find a motel for the night. We stumbled upon the Chateau Trudeau Motor Lodge and, after admiring a bust of former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau in the small lobby, checked in. We went back out to the car and unloaded Diana's luggage and my miniature cat-suitcase and hauled them to our room. I turned on the TV; an old John Candy film was showing.
"After that tiresome trip, I feel reinvigorated, being here alone with you in this room," Diana gushed.
"As do I, darling," I agreed. We tumbled onto the bed and began making love. She unzipped my calico disguise and revealed my natural self in all its gray furriness. Diana then unbuttoned her blouse and let it drop to the linoleum floor. I gently removed her brassiere, revealing the two most glorious breasts ever seen by man or beast.
I did not mind the mink handcuffs and manacles holding me to the bed; indeed I found in them a sense of freedom, a loss of all responsibility. Diana hovered over me like a lapdancer at a suburban gentleman's club and tickled me with a feather. "So, Mr Espresso Expert, Mr. Expobar Rancilio Isomac Expensive Coffee Equipment Snob, I have a little surprise for you," she said in a tone that I heretofore had not heard in her voice. "Drink this instant coffee, you little snob! Drink it! Drink it!" she screamed as she moved a tin cup full of utter dreck closer to my mouth.
"Never! Never!" I cried.
"Drink it, I say!" she screamed again.
"Never! Never!" I cried again, twisting my head back and forth, my own voice echoing in my head. "Never! Never!"
To be continued ...