[this is satire]
by Rocky the Diabolical Cat™
Ikey the Cat and I were sitting on the porch, watching leaves fall lifelessly from the tree in front of the house.
"Well, I lost," he said quietly. "I'm so sad, I don't even feel like cussing."*
"Young Ikey," I counseled him, "there are always disappointments in life. Not winning the presidential election — well, these things happen. You must learn to savor the small things in life, for they will sustain you between life's big victories. Let's go in the house, and I'll show you an example."
"Fool! Fool!" I called as we entered.
"Yes, Rocky?" J. answered.
"Fool, my fur body-covering needs brushed," I said.
"I'll be right there!" J. said with alacrity. I then lay on the davenport and waited for J. "Just check this out!" I whispered gleefully to Ikey. J. entered the room, knelt next to the davenport and began carefully brushing me, serenading me as he worked. He sang "The Race is On" by George Jones, "(Are You) the One That I've Been Waiting For?" by Nick Cave and my personal favorite, the old standard "Gloomy Sunday." His face contorted with emotion and his eyes teared up a few times as he sang.
I looked over at Ikey and he was holding his stomach, laughing silently.
"That is enough, Fool. Away!" I commanded.
"Yes, Rocky," J. uttered. He then bowed his head, turned and left the room.
"That J. is a stone cold idiot!" Ikey laughed. "I can't believe how well you have him trained!"
"Yes, young Ikey, he is a bit of a spectacle. But as you have seen, I can always count on a laugh at his expense if I'm feeling a bit blue!" I chuckled.
*Thank goodness. The eds.