Downtown Diary 

The Barista

The Barista
[this is satire] by Rocky the Diabolical Cat™ J. Williams and I were walking up Massachusetts Avenue when we spotted DJ Opie, the freckled, anxiety-ridden white rapper, with a baseball cap perched at an unlikely angle upon his head and a large medallion hanging from his neck. The medallion, some 12 inches in diameter, revealed itself to be, upon closer inspection, a big Xanax pill for the nervous songster to nibble on as needed, as they say. I turned to J. Williams and laughed, “Dopey Opie indeed!” “Uh, by the way, have you seen any cheap gas around?” J. asked. “Nope,” I replied. “Somebody’s gotta pay for the junta’s ‘re-election’ and it might as well be its freedom-loving subjects, I guess.” I paused. “You know, J., it seems like I have become distant from my public. I think I need something that gets me out of the house, maybe a part-time job.” “Good idea,” J. agreed. We saw a sign in the window of The Abbey coffeehouse: Part-Time Barista Wanted. Apply Within. “That’d be perfect!” I cried. We went to the counter and asked for the manager. “Please allow me to introduce myself,” I said, “I’m a cat of wealth and taste. Allow me access to your espresso machine, and I’ll make you a delicious double, post-haste.” I jumped behind the counter and eyed the Astoria two-group espresso machine. I set up two doubles, hit the brew switch, then leapt on the counter, did the moonwalk the length of the display case, then gave a quick breakdancing exhibition, bounced back over to the espresso machine and turned the brew switch off, delivering two delectable doubles in about 25 seconds. The manager tasted one of the doubles. “You’re hired!” he exclaimed. I dabbed my eyes with one of my monogrammed handkerchiefs. “Thank you,” I said, “this is my dream job — a real barista!”

Tags: ,

Around the Web


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

This Week's Flyers

About The Author

J. Williams

More by J. Williams

Today's Best Bets | All of today's events

Around the Web

All contents copyright © 2016 NUVO Inc.
3951 N. Meridian St., Suite 200, Indianapolis, IN 46208
Website powered by Foundation