Downtown Diary 

[this article is satire]
Interview with Bart-tron 2K3

[this article is satire]
Interview with Bart-tron 2K3
“Overwhelmed” would be an apt description for Mayor Bart Peterson these days — overwhelmed by homeowners frothing at the mouth about higher property tax bills, overwhelmed by financial problems at Wishard Hospital, overwhelmed by critics for his lack of a coherent social policy, overwhelmed by blowback from the amateurish Indianapolis Water Company-U.S. Filter deal. To offer the mayor some small relief from his duties, the IUPUI Robot Studies Department built a Bart Peterson look-alike robot — dubbed “Bart-tron 2K3” — that will henceforth conduct interviews, cut ribbons at new prison construction sites and so on. NUVO’s Rocky the Diabolical Cat™ recently interviewed Bart-tron 2K3. Rocky: Bart-tron 2K3, I have to level with you: You look kind of low budget to me. Bart-tron 2K3: In.these.trying.times. Rocky: I mean, what is your body made of, what, two cardboard boxes? Dear fellow, that’s insane! Bart-tron 2K3: OK.I.will.therefore. Rocky: The property tax fiasco has breathed life into the campaign of your challenger in the mayoral race, Republican Greg Jordan, who is currently the Marion County treasurer. Bart-tron 2K3: Anybody.whose. Rocky: What do you plan to do about the quite visible socioeconomic meltdown of Indianapolis’ inner-city neighborhoods? Bart-tron 2K3: so.I.guess.I.did.not.know.there.was.a.problem// Rocky: Bart-tron, tell me about your technical specifications. You seem like a pretty crude robot to me. Bart-tron 2K3: (At this point Rocky assumed a fighting stance and his body puffed up to two times its normal size.) Rocky: You silly ass $#@* $&*! !#$@, I’ll take your ass out! You think you’re corrugated now, wait until I’m done with you!!!! Bart-tron 2K3: Whoa.dude//I.was.just. kidding.ha.ha.ha/ Rocky: OK, back to business: What’s the deal with the former Central State Hospital site the city is buying? A little birdy told me the city wants to build a new stadium for the Colts on that property. Bart-tron 2K3: I.cannot.comment.on. that.yadda.yadda.yadda// Rocky: Do you think that in such austere times it makes financial or ethical sense to be subsidizing a privately-owned sports team? Bart-tron 2K3: I.cannot.comment.on. that. yadda.yadda.yaddaaaaaaaaffff fffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (At this point, Bart-tron 2K3’s batteries ran down, and Rocky was forced to abandon the interview.)

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