City buys forest 

Facing spiraling

Facing spiraling costs associated with the boarding-up of the thousands of abandoned and vacant houses in the inner city, the City of Indianapolis has decided to buy Yellowood State Forest from the State of Indiana for logging and plywood manufacturing purposes. The city plans to bring in a private company to run the operation, a spokesperson for the Mayor's Office stated. "The mayor is firmly against bloated government and firmly for the excellent service provided by private contractors," the spokesperson said. When asked about the atrocious service record and number of complaints against U.S. Filter since the company began running the Indianapolis Water Company, the spokesperson huffed and walked away. The State of Indiana, desperate as ever for money, will receive $2,500 cash, two decommissioned police cars and an old IBM 386 computer in exchange for the forest. "We are thrilled!" said a spokesperson for the Governor"s Office. "This shows what can be accomplished when state and local officials work together for the benefit of private contractors!" The city has stated it will rename the forest. Frontrunners include "Plywood Forest," "Petersonville Forest" and "RCA Forest."

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