Bush no American Idol 

President interrupts TV show

President interrupts TV show
In this crazy, mixed-up, shook-up world, it's hard to find dependable, cheap entertainment. Gas prices have gone through the roof, making the cost of driving prohibitive. And it's cheaper to finance the production of a movie than it is to go see one.
So instead of me being able to watch Idol and fuel my passion for the million-dollar competition, we all got prime-time Bush for about 90 minutes.
One of the ways I like to relax is to watch the silly competition on American Idol twice a week. The show is so utterly wrong, so blatantly vulgar, in so many ways that it's irresistible. And my obsession with the show and its contestants is perfectly harmless and shared by millions. In a better world, the most controversial and divisive topic you could bring up would be who'll win American Idol. The talking heads on TV news channels would be discussing Fantasia vs. LaToya instead of Bush vs. Kerry. So when George Bush schedules a news conference, you'd figure he wouldn't pick a time that would conflict with the most-watched TV show in the country. Understand that Bush has only had three prime-time press conferences in three-plus years. That's about as often as men his age have rectal exams. The chances of his picking the exact day and time of the one TV show I follow are one in seven, you'd think. But since this president factors in maximum inconvenience into everything he does, it lowers the odds considerably. So instead of me being able to watch Idol and fuel my passion for the million-dollar competition, we all got prime-time Bush for about 90 minutes. My first reaction after hearing that Idol would be pre-empted for Bush was to wonder if the president was going to try and take away everything else I enjoy. Was he going to send someone over to my house to seize my Crown Royal, my CDs and my Dark Angel DVDs? I got scared. It was a throwback to the days before cable television, when if the president made a speech, every channel in Indy except WTTV would show it. If you didn't want to watch President Carter, you were SOL. Now I have approximately 3,000 channels and I'm back in the same situation. I admit, though, that watching the press conference was almost as entertaining as American Idol. Did you see it? I have to agree with the political commentators whose first action was to ask if the president were drunk or on drugs. I've heard rants from speed freaks and acidheads that made more sense. He started with a 17-minute statement on Iraq that sounded like he'd picked random words out of the dictionary. It was obvious that he didn't understand it. After a few minutes, all I could make out were buzzes and clicks. Someone suggested to me later that it was some kind of coded message to deep-cover intelligence officers. That's the only plausible explanation. Then, during questioning from the press, hardly anything he said made any sense - I mean, even more than usual - and he seemed to be perplexed by even the simplest queries. Asked what mistake he regrets most, a question so silly it would make Barbara Walters cringe, he hemmed and hawed and came up with nothing. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it," he said. "John, I'm sure historians will look back and say, gosh, he could've done it better this way or that way. You know, I just - I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet." Of course, not much has popped into his head over the past four years. After that press conference, and the interview of Bob Woodward on 60 Minutes, I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Everything seems to be falling into place for Bush to lose in November, something which I once thought impossible. And if current trends continue, it won't even be close. Bush will win a few Midwestern states and Kerry will clean up the rest. We can all go to bed by 9 p.m. on election night if this keeps up. But I know it won't. The forces of evil are too strong. Events will shift back to favor the bad guys sooner or later. Things look bright now, but who knows how long the good news will last? That's why you need to register to vote in November's election. There are 194 days left before the vote and every person's voice will count this year, unless you're in Florida. Go to rockthevote.com, a public library or your license branch to get a form. President Kerry won't interrupt American Idol, plus he'll restore democracy to the USA. You can't go wrong.

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