Paranoid weedhead from Reefer Madness.

Paranoid weedhead from Reefer Madness.

5 movies to avoid while baked 

In this companion piece to "19 Movies to Watch While Baked," I've suggested five flicks to avoid, lest they harsh your mellow.

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Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me

Twin Peaks was a landmark TV series. David Lynch and Mark Frost created the freakiest atmospheric TV mystery of all time. Amazingly, it was a smash hit ... at first. The middle of the second season had some problems, but Lynch pulled everything together for a finale that was possibly the most bizarre cliffhanger ever to air on network television. Lynch's prequel film, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me has many of the same characters and plenty of weirdness, but it gets dark in a sour, depressing way. You don't want to go there.

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The English Patient

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine became estranged from her friends and co-workers because she hated The English Patient? She was right. There's a grand love story in the Sahara, with flashbacks revealing an epic tale. Sounds good, right? But it isn't. It just drags on and on for nearly three hours and you feel every single second of it.

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It's a hell of a story — a mystery about a man with a memory disorder who has to leave messages to himself on scraps of paper, in photographs and on his body. He's looking for the man that raped and murdered his wife, but is the information he collects credible? Intriguing. But wait, there's more. Filmmaker Christopher Nolan tells the story in reverse, presenting a scene, then the one before it. You should see the movie, but not while you're baked. You'll need a clear head to sort out stuff like this.

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The Lone Ranger

You know how the presence of Johnny Depp in a film used to be really cool, but now seeing him in a movie trailer makes you cringe? This is the movie where that change happened. Depp plays Tonto and his performance is irritating to the nth degree. The Lone Ranger, meanwhile, is presented as a boob. There are a couple of great action scenes, but the movie is nearly two and a half hours long. Don't subject yourself to this.

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Battlefield Earth

You may be tempted. The idea of getting stoned and watching John Travolta's legendary sci-fi bomb might sound like a fun thing to do, but you're mistaken. Certainly, Battlefield Earth has its share of "so bad it's good" moments, but most of this sludgy mess is simply bad. Dreary, industrial, tiresome bad. Plus, you don't want to financially reward Travolta for creating this turkey.

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