(4.20) High and Hungry 

click to enlarge Lucky for you, Aunt Polly's delivers everything from meatloaf & mashed potatoes to pizza & breadsticks!
  • Lucky for you, Aunt Polly's delivers everything from meatloaf & mashed potatoes to pizza & breadsticks!

I am a chronic restaurant diner. That is to say, I like to smoke a bunch of chronic and go out to eat. I’ll be blunt – these are joints I personally like to visit. Chances are you’ve got your own favorites. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Um, what were we talking about?

Wake and bake

Two of my favorite places to go after a morning bowl (not cereal) are within a stone’s throw of each other: Keystone Deli and The Donut Shop. At both places you’ll find hearty, traditional American breakfast foods that everyone except cardiologists love. I’d also highly recommend Biscuits, where in addition to the usual breakfast fare you can order delicious Mexican items guaranteed to satisfy your inner Cheech.

Where everybody knows your name

There are three restaurants where I might be found on any given night. They’re all Mexican places. For me, marijuana, Mexican food and margaritas go together like apple pie, ice cream and grandma.

Having friendly folks serving you is crucial to a good stoned dining experience. I’ve made lots of amigos at all of these restaurants over the years. In fact, many of the waiters and bartenders call me “pinche viejo loco,” which I’m pretty sure means “respected older gentleman.”

Cancun Mexican Restaurant is a five-minute drive from my house. Since I never bother to cook at home, I’m there a lot. I suggest trying the delicious Burrito del Mar and the Pink Cadillac margarita. The Pink Cadillac is made with tequila, rum, orange juice and cranberry juice. It is the major source of vitamin C in my diet.

My reefer-loving friends and I first buzzed into La Hacienda when it opened in 2003. The salsa is fantastic, and even a small bowl of their crazy good chicken soup has the meat of almost an entire chicken in it. Chicken soup is sometimes called “Jewish penicillin,” and I know more than a half-dozen people who swear by the medicinal powers of La Hacienda’s version. I find their Texas margaritas to be similarly curative.

Up north you’ll find La Margarita . This place is a little more high-end, but affordable and with so many delicious menu options that it may take you a long, long time to decide what to get. Try the grouper in chipotle sauce, which comes with a side of nopalitos: yummy cooked cactus. Oh, and have Cruz make you a pitcher of top shelf margaritas. With a name like La Margarita, you know they’re good.

Other awesome joints

There’s a reason they call it “soul food.” The traditional Southern cooking at The Mississippi Belle is food that will satisfy you belly and soul. I always get the meat loaf (the best I’ve ever tasted – sorry, Mom), collard greens, yams and fried corn. After eating at the Belle I head straight for my couch and lapse into a delirious food coma.

Good Cajun food is like a Mardi Gras party in your mouth. Yats in Broad Ripple has been serving up very reasonably priced yet authentically delicious Cajun dishes since 2001. The food and vibe here are great, owner Joe Vuskovich is a real character, and the piped-in music is straight up New Orleans jazz, baby.

Drive-by or too stoned to fly

Our fast food restaurant drive-thru system is what makes America the most powerful and envied nation in the world. Give us your stoned, hungry masses, and we shall provide your Wendy’s, your Taco Bell, your Rally’s. And if you’re feeling as hungry as Harold and Kumar, get in your car and make it your quest to get some of those delicious steamy sliders from White Castle. Yes, fast food eaten in the private sanctuary of your own car is a fulfilling, Zen-like experience. Just make sure to get extra napkins and try to keep that sauce off your shirt.

Let’s say your good friend (or maybe your daughter, Chedda) comes into town from Cali with some medical grade shit. Next thing you know, you’ve lost track of time, you don’t want to drive, but you need food. If you’re down for pizza, call HotBox Pizza (715 Broad Ripple Ave., 257-7500), or for a more gourmet pie, Some Guys (6235 Allisonville Rd., 257-1364).

Aunt Polly’s (2959 E. Michigan St., 638-3663) will deliver all kinds of comfort food goodies to your door: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, pizza, even deviled eggs. And remember to tip your delivery dude generously. It’s just good karma, man.

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