nuvo.net / humor/satire archives

Snooper in Chief: The Quiz
Matthew McClure 1. The president has: A. flouted the Constitution, broken the law and should be held accountable. B. every right to eavesdrop on Americans — and if you don’t like it, move your commie butt to Ottawa. 2. In...
December 28, 2005

HAIKU news
Jim Poyser King George defends his decision to put the dic back in dictator between FBI and NSC it’s déjà Edgar Hoover vu conservatives don’t like big government but sure love big president Ted Stevens supports Arctic oil drilling to...
December 28, 2005

The Curmudgeon in the Dungeon
Rocky Triumphant Rocky That night, Evangelina and I left L.A. We hit the highway in high spirits, having trounced Triumph the Insult-to-Comics Dog in appropriate fashion. My cell phone vibrated. It was my editor Pistola Bartolomeo at Edizione Testa d’...
December 21, 2005

A Christmas card to my many friends
Bif Nowell Ho, ho, ho, y’all! Well, here it is the end of yet another year, and I have lots to tell about our great 2005. First off, last February, my wife Sheila was promoted from personal secretary to the...
December 21, 2005

HAIKU news
Jim Poyser to stop Iraqi abuses U.S. foxes will guard the henhouse if U.S. admits existence of prisons they won’t be a secret White House can’t stand it anymore and tells McCain what he wants to hear Federal agents may...
December 21, 2005

Diary of a Feline Flaneur
Rocky Triumphant Rocky A hush fell over S________* as I stood facing Triumph, who, along with his entire table, stared silent, glassy-eyed and open-mouthed in faintly tipsy stupor. “What ARE you?” Triumph slobbered at last, looking at my mighty tail,...
December 14, 2005

Playboy Channel to host game show i
Juana Bett The Playboy Channel recently announced the creation of a new game show, Boink That Bitch. The first episode will take place in Indianapolis. “We wanted a city with a high libido but a closed-doors mentality,” said producer Anita...
December 14, 2005

HAIKU news
Jim Poyser Condoleeza Rice grilled, steamed and fried in Europeo’er secret prisons the Saddam Hussein trial to be overseen by Jerry Springer bad intelligence pried by torture first proof of coercion’s failure tax relief votes by rich politicians just more...
December 14, 2005

Diary of a Feline Flaneur
Rocky Weeping Sir Bob We arrived just after sunset at S_______, located in the toniest section of L__ A_______.* “I didn’t know Disney now had a ‘Caribbean Shantytown’ pavilion,” said Evangelina as we gazed at the faux-ramshackle compound. “This is...
December 07, 2005

Indiana’s squirrel obesity crisis
Harry Cheese Thanks to Gov. Mitch Daniels’ “Lighten Up, Indiana” campaign, all of us know by now that we are one of the fattest, laziest states in the nation. Personally, I think a lot of us Hoosiers are just naturally...
December 07, 2005

HAIKU news
Jim Poyser Hussein trail starts with the former dictator acting like a dweeb California’s Cunningham admits there’ll be no more happy days poor Republicans continue to suffer fall from too much hubris Frist DeLay Libby Abramoff Rove Cunningham Scanlon Bush...
December 07, 2005

What’s makes America move?
Even the advanced apes probably had gas Jack Silverstein I love America. Love everything about it. Love the people. Love the freedom. Love the excess, love the access, love everything that makes us American. And while there is bad in...
November 30, 2005

Stopping the terrorists
One man’s sleepless struggle Hank Fincken Please, I don’t mean to sound like an alarmist. This could all be just a trick of my imagination, but the very fact that I can doubt myself proves I am probably telling the...
November 30, 2005

Diary of a Feline Flaneur
Triumph, the Insult-to-Comics Dog Rocky Continuing our road trip, Evangelina and I drove through the desert. The uncommonly overcast skies began to turn shades of green and purple, and the wind picked up. Evangelina suggested we try to find a...
November 30, 2005

Full of beans
Egor S. Grand Bowing to members of his own party, President Bush has decided to stage a “fireside chat” to explain to the American people his current plan for Iraq and the War on Terror. Presidents have long used...
November 30, 2005

HAIKU news
Jim Poyser since Vatican says no to gay lifestyle they’ll have to lose the purple it would appear that we’ll have to pry Iraq from Cheney’s cold dead hands Bush protestors in Texas are arrested for high crimes of camping...
November 30, 2005

Diary of a Feline Flaneur
Our faith-based national parks Rocky Evangelina and I took a trip out West. Her clandestine business on the coast was not urgent, so we drove my old black Saab. After milkshakes at mid-20th century roadside diners shaped like things besides...
November 23, 2005

NEWS Commentary:
Tunneling machine gone wild Egor S. Grand From a press release, last week: Mayor Peterson, DPW officials to launch tunneling machine that will reduce raw sewage overflows … It seemed like a good idea on paper: Unleash a tunneling machine...
November 23, 2005

HAIKU news
Jim Poyser it’s his party he can quit it and start a new one if he wants to American charged with graft along with making U.S. PR suck now that Woodward’s involved in Plame affair he’s gagging on deep throats...
November 23, 2005

Diary of a feline flaneur
The Orgone-accumulating duvet Rocky I arranged to meet Evangelina at the Trocadero Supper Club. That night the house band played a concert tribute to Scott Walker. As we nibbled hors d’oeuvres to a cover version of the Ohioan’s superb English...
November 16, 2005

New study on worker productivity
Egor S. Grand A new study out, to be published next week by the Cleveland-based Journal of New Studies Out, not only posits that white collar worker productivity is down, but also suggests a significant reason why. Co-authors Ron Thom...
November 16, 2005

HAIKU news
Jim Poyser Schwarzenegger in danger of becoming a girlie-man has-been whether you call it “secret prison” or “global internment,” it’s quaint oops! intelligence budget stupidly revealed bad guys know our bucks! Kansas wins design battle while in Dover they’re caught...
November 16, 2005

Diary of a feline flaneur
Rocky Sinistrella, Part 4 Our revelation of Sinistrella’s snitch-status during the Moscow Cat Circus performance seemed to have cast a spell over all who had witnessed the events of the sawdust ring: The whole tent full of people maintained a...
November 09, 2005

What time is it?
Seventy-seven of Indiana’s 92 counties currently cling to Eastern Standard Time year round, declining to budge for daylight-saving time. Five additional counties spring forward and fall back in lockstep with Ohio, 10 more with Chicago. Confusing? Just wait ’til next April when new legislation will put the entire state on daylight-saving time, but leave it up to individual counties to choose their time zone.
November 09, 2005

HAIKU news
from the frying pan into the fire, Bush feels heat in Argentina
November 09, 2005