Saturday, May 9, 2015

UP and away

Posted By on Sat, May 9, 2015 at 12:39 AM

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My boyfriend has a balloon fetish and although I find this strange I have been quite supportive. But, recently he has asked, — well how can I put this —he asked me to put one in his rectum and inflate the balloon. I’m okay with doing this for him because I love him, but was wondering if this is safe and won’t hurt him? Thanks.

— Anonymous, from Tumblr


Sarah:
Go with the ol’ inflatable dildo. These things are made to do exactly what you’re describing, and they’re specifically invented to go in orifices that your standard pack of Party City Mediums are not. Otherwise, good on you for coming at this from a supportive standpoint and not a judgemental one.

Dr. D: Balloon fetishes are not one and the same. Some people just like to watch videos of people sitting on balloons or playing with balloons. This is the first time I’ve heard of someone wanting a balloon inserted in their rectum and inflated. I guess I’m wondering just how the two of you are planning for inflation to happen. If the idea is to insert the balloon and then inflate it with your mouth, that’s probably the safest way because the balloon is unlikely to inflate too quickly. But logistically that seems a little tricky. If you’re thinking of using an air pump or helium, then I have greater concerns. Although people do put inflatable devices in their rectum, those devices typically inflate with a stepwise pump so inflation doesn’t happen too quickly or forcefully. If you two decide to do this, I’d suggest choosing a slow-inflation method so that the inflation happens gradually, thus with minimal risk of pain or discomfort. If at any point it hurts, stop. And whatever you do, do not insert the balloon all the way into his anus. Make sure that enough of it stays outside his body so that you can hold onto it (you may want to tie a string to the bottom to make sure that, even if gets sucked upward a little, you can safely remove it). And if your anal play gets out of hand and the balloon does get sucked up inside him, please involve a healthcare provider in its removal. 
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Friday, May 8, 2015

Extra special friends

Posted By on Fri, May 8, 2015 at 12:23 AM

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I have a special friend and I believe that we both want to take it further. On several occasions she has said how much sex means to her and how her late husband’s penis was monstrous and perfect. After that my heart sank, because in no way am I adequate to compete with that man. I have purposely sabotaged the possibilities of us going further, as I would rather have her as a friend than out of my life because I am not a large man. Are there any penis enlargement products that work?

— Anonymous, from Tumblr


Sarah: I have no idea on the penis enlargement stuff, but I can tell you you’re being completely silly on the other front. Great sex is only a little, teeny-tiny bit about the physical interaction of P within V. The rest is all about interpersonal chemistry, being present in the moment, and enjoying what happens when the sex actually goes down. If it seemed like it was moving in the sexual direction and you bailed, she might be feeling a little rejected. You might be surprised, though, at how much an honest conversation about this anxiety could do for both your “special friendship” and your own nerves about getting down with your friend. And maybe the sex won’t be as good as it was with her husband. So what? Do you think you’re going to be every woman’s best sexual partner? No, so why set yourself up with that unreasonable goal in mind. Forget other partners and focus on having good sex and don’t torture yourself with comparisons.

Dr. D: There have been a couple of penis stretching devices that have been shown to indeed lengthen the penis, but they are not the kinds of products most men would likely want to commit to using. They typically are pretty complex devices with lots of parts that are worn on the penis throughout the day for a matter of months, all in the hopes of gaining maybe a quarter or half an inch to one’s erect penis. Plus they don’t have very long term safety data so I don’t personally often recommend them. I know of no pills or herbs that have good scientific data attached to them proving that they work to enhance the size of a man’s penis. My suggestion? Stop creating distance with your special friend if you want to take it further. Using your own words, let her know that you’re into her but that you’ve come to feel a little insecure because she’s talked about how monstrous and perfect her late husband’s penis was, and you’re worried about measuring up. That’s being real and open and vulnerable. It gives her a chance to say whether she’s into you too or whether she just wants to be friends. It also might reveal to her that a good way to draw a man nearer is generally not to go on and on about a “monstrous” penis of an ex. Most men (even larger than average men) have some level of insecurity about their penis — whether it’s big enough or hard enough or lasts long enough. Maybe her doing this is a way of warding off subsequent suitors, whether she realizes it or not. Or maybe she thinks it sounds sexy. In any case, you’re totally normal and human for having the reaction you did. Now it’s your turn to be an adult and let her know that you like her but are a little concerned about that. If you can create meaning and connection and are open to pleasuring one another using a variety of techniques, you two should be good to go though. Truly: size is not everything. Without connection or technique, it’s basically nothing except something to look at.
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Thursday, May 7, 2015

Greasy Treats

Posted By on Thu, May 7, 2015 at 12:21 AM

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I want to try to recreate that kind of porn where everyone’s all oiled up, but I don’t want to make a mess in my house. Do I have to cover everything in plastic Dexter Morgan style? Any tips on how to do this without it being too messy?

— Anonymous, from Tumblr


Sarah: Real talk, The W Hotel will come dress your room in plastic and give you a tray of things to lick off each other’s bodies for a couple hundred bucks. They’ll also do the cleanup. No reason you can’t piggyback on this idea and grease each other up while you’re at it. This seems like the best possible option, but it’s expensive, so you could just take your oil party to the bathroom. If you have a private backyard, consider the humble tarp or large baby pool. You’ll be slip slidin’ away to Orgasm City in no time.

Dr. D: Oil can get very messy very quickly and can be difficult to get out of certain materials. It can make floors super slippery for days to come. So yeah - if you are concerned about mess, either cover things with plastic or do it in the shower or bath tub. Or you could rent a hotel room with a big jacuzzi or massive walk-in shower and clean up well afterwards (if you damage the room, they could charge your credit card for expenses, so do make sure to be tidy).
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Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Orgasmicus Nebula

Posted By on Wed, May 6, 2015 at 12:14 PM

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I am fairly new to sex even though I am almost thirty. A lot is still pretty mysterious to me - in particular orgasm. When my boyfriend is finished it’s pretty obvious because there’s fluid. But how do I as a woman know if I have orgasmed? I have heard that I will just know, and I will feel a release. I have felt very very good, especially when he’s touching me, but never the release. Eventually I have to have him stop because it becomes overwhelming. Is this orgasm? Should I try to continue?

— Anonymous, from Tumblr


Sarah: How do you know when you’ve really laughed? How do you know when you see the perfect rainbow? How do you know you’re in the presence of the divine? I don’t know, man, I just know it when I’m there. The long and the short of this is you need to do a hell of a lot more masturbating until you have absolutely sussed out what is and is not an orgasm. Buy a vibrator, put on a deep house or cool jazz playlist and figure that shit out.

Dr. D: Orgasm is tricky for many women to pinpoint when they are first beginning to gain sexual experience, either through masturbation or with a partner. It’s common for women to think they’ve had an orgasm because they feel such intense sexual pleasure. Then, one day, they experience something that feels like more of an “event”, if you will, that feels more defined and that’s followed by often intense feelings of happiness or content and then they think “ah… that’s the orgasm”. That’s not a particularly great or clear answer but it’s roughly how women talk about it. That said, some women experience very mild orgasms that don’t feel like much of a defined moment. And others experience a defined moment as part of their climax but don’t feel euphoric or content the way other women do, so it’s not clear enough for an outsider to look at your experience and judge whether you’ve had an orgasm or not. I would guess you are experiencing intense pleasure but not yet an orgasm, but I could be wrong. Have you tried exploring your own body through masturbation? Many people, whether female or male, experience their first orgasms through masturbation. It takes the pressure off (there’s no one waiting for you to have an orgasm) and you can touch yourself exactly the way you want (so if it begins to feel overwhelming you can back off and re-start when you’re ready). You might try using a vibrator with your partner, which can sometimes make orgasm easier to come by. And it’s also okay to NOT “go for” orgasm but to instead “go for” pleasure. Just because orgasm exists doesn’t mean you have to chase after it right now or ever. If you’re enjoying what you and your partner are doing, then that’s pretty awesome. If you want to try exploring orgasm, though, check out the book Becoming Orgasmic or Sex Made Easy
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Saturday, May 2, 2015

Reel sexy

Posted By on Sat, May 2, 2015 at 3:55 AM

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Have a question? Ask anonymously on our Tumblr site. 

What’s a good, semi-erotic movie I can watch with my boyfriend that’s actually interesting and not cheesy?

Sarah: I really shouldn’t be allowed to comment on this question. Not only are my movie tastes absolutely weird as the day is long, but I’m going to make you read subtitles to get your bonk on, and that’s not very nice. One of my favorite sexy-ish movies is Y Tu Mama Tambien, the Pedro Almodovar movie about two late-teens boys who take a roadtrip with an older woman and, well, you know the rest. But the whole movie is beautiful and there’s a much larger theme about the striation of poverty across Mexico, if you’re into erotic cultural and economic commentary. I’d also recommend The Libertine, which, to me, is the last really good Johnny Depp movie he made. It’s absolutely decadent in the way a movie set in the upper crust of 17th century London (read: lots of fucking in elaborate period attire) and it poses the question of the value of shock for shock’s sake. And Depp is lookin’ fine as hell.

Debby: For starters, try Googling or IMDB-ing the following and see what you think: Emmanuelle, Dangerous Liaisons, The Story of O, Henry & June, The Dreamers, Last Tango in Paris, and 9 ½ Weeks, just to name a few. People have different tastes, though, so you kind of have to watch movies together and see what you like and talk about it, you know? Enjoy.

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Friday, May 1, 2015

Smokin’ pole

Posted By on Fri, May 1, 2015 at 3:58 PM

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Ask your questions anonymously here.

My boyfriend is a smoker and has noticed his erections getting weaker lately. Do the two have something to do with each other?

Sarah: The undeniable fact about smoking is that it damages your vascular system, this we certainly know. Whether or not that directly affects your man’s boner is not up to me to decide, but one could certainly see how bad heart and circulatory problems could contribute. And regardless of whether it makes your banger more like mash, it’s never a bad idea to consider cutting back or quitting altogether. My advice in the short term is to get a stretchy cock ring and see how that works for you, and in the long-term, to get him to go to a doctor just to make sure there isn’t a larger issue going on. Like I’ve said in the past, erections are like a health barometer. If the flag’s not going all the way up the pole, it’s time to put aside your ego and to see your healthcare provider.

Debby: There’s certainly plenty of research tying cigarette smoking to erectile difficulties. More so, cigarette smoking is also linked to cardiovascular disease (heart and circulatory problems) and erectile problems can be an early warning sign of such health issues. The best thing he could do is to let his healthcare provider know he’s starting to have weaker erections and to ask for an overall health assessment. I don’t know your boyfriend’s age, and you can certainly expect some weakening of erections with older age (yes, even in one’s 40s or 50s), but that’s not true for all men. And again, his heart health is the most important part to focus on for now. 
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Third Party Booty

Posted By on Fri, May 1, 2015 at 3:54 PM

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Ask your questions anonymously here.


My boyfriend and I decided to try out sex outside our relationship. We both decided to get one partner outside of the relationship, and we both have found someone with whom we enjoy regular sex. But I still can’t shake the idea that he’s going to leave me for his other partner, despite the fact that he says he is still very much in love with me. Does this mean I’m not cut out for the poly thing? I like sex with my partner, but the relationship lines are very clear. I don’t know what to do at this point.


Sarah: This is a tough one to bat, friendo. However, my advice for you would be the same as it would for any couple: ultimately, all we can do is trust that our partners will keep their promises and hold up their end of the bargain. Have you guys had an honest conversation about all avenues and possibilities with these relationships? In new relationship territory, I think the best thing to do is come up with some goals you can agree on (like always being honest and always putting your relationship first), and then focusing on your own enjoyment of both of your partners. This kind of sticky wicket is dependent on everyone in your sex life understanding their boundaries and yours, and the trick to making sure your relationship comes out stronger is to always make it you and your boyfriend’s number one priority. I think if you redirect your anxiety toward building a more concrete idea of what you want these relationships to look like, you’ll feel a lot more secure in both.

Debby: Oh man, I’m so sorry. Monogamy is hard and so is polyamory because humans are complex, emotional, passionate, curious, and - yes - jealous beings. The most important thing is that you share your feelings with your boyfriend. Let him know you’re feeling jealous. Ask him to support you by talking through your feelings together. Did you establish rules ahead of time that include something along the lines of, if one of you needs to hit “pause” on the openness, that you do so? If not, this might be a good time to ask if you feel like you need a break. You might also review your overall “rules” and boundaries to see which ones are working for you and which may need a little tweaking. As you may know, some people are cool with their partners having sex with others but they place limits on how often each person sees the outside partner or how often they talk or on spending the night. Check out “More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory” if you’d like to explore some perspectives and talk a bit about it with your boyfriend and/or outside partner(s). It may help you decide whether you’re cut out for it or not and there is no shame in whatever you decide. Some people aren’t cut out for monogamy and others aren’t cut out for polyamory. And then there are those who are cut out for polyamory with certain people but who insist on monogamy with others. Like I said, humans are complex, emotional, passionate, curious, and jealous. But we’re also pretty lovely to one another most of the time, so open up the conversation and see how it goes. 
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Sunday, April 19, 2015

Firestarter

Posted By on Sun, Apr 19, 2015 at 12:34 PM

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What is a nice way to address the fact that me and my wife’s sex life has fizzled without her feeling like I’m not attracted to her? I am, but things have cooled off and I want to know how to get that spark back. Suggestions?

Sarah: Here’s not not to do it: don’t hire a skywriter to write “Where’s the sex, Marcy?” in the clouds. Don’t send her a bouquet of dew-spritzed irises with a note that says, “Does this make you horny, baby?” Don’t buy a giant box of sex toys and arrange them meticulously on a bed. Don’t do any of that stuff. Instead, make sex a priority. I’m a fan of rearranging one’s life around having better and more sex, which usually takes a bit more scheduling as adults than we might like to associate with sex. Whether it’s making your housework more efficient to free up a few more evening hours, or taking a weekend trip together for the sole purpose of getting it on in peace, there is something you can do to perk up your sex life. Most of the time, though, it just takes a little effort to make the time and conserve the energy to get your sex on at the end of the day. 

Debby: Why not create some sparks rather than focus on what’s waned? Try to think about what sets you two up for better sex. Is it a vacation? Time together away from your laptops or television? When you used to massage each other? A planned sex or cuddle date? You might also leave her a note telling her how much you love her and how important she is to you and that you’d like to look for ways to connect more closely and intimately. Try not to make it just about bodies and sex, but about connection which is what most people of all genders ultimately want (and the sex often comes with it). You might also read a book like Passionate Marriage together to get the two of you talking. 
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Saturday, April 18, 2015

The Sound of One Douche Douching

Posted By on Sat, Apr 18, 2015 at 12:33 PM

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Got a question? Send it in anonymously here.   


I’ve heard douching with a peroxide/water mixture keeps you smelling fresh down there. Is this true?


Sarah: Uhh, probably not? For millennia, humanity has been stymied by the obsession with deodorizing the vagina. It seems worth mentioning in this space, however, that vaginas smell much different 10 minutes after a shower than 12 hours after with a long run somewhere in there. Generally, though, your vagina is kind of a self-cleaning oven in this department. That said, I’ve heard a few good people report that they have better vaginal odor when they start eating more whole fruits and veggies. After all, our scent does come out in our secretions—from sweat to oil to natural lubricant. However, if it’s getting really funky down there, I would check in with a gyno before you start injecting things into your hoo-ha.

Debby: No no no no no no no no no no. Please don’t put peroxide in your vagina or anus - either kind of douche is not great or recommended. If this question is about vaginal douches (rather than anal douching, aka anal enemas) and you have questions about your vaginal odor, ask your healthcare provider. Chances are your vagina smells just peachy - or, rather, faintly like milk or a slight yeasty scent to it. Less often, a person’s vagina might have a strong odor or even a fishy odor which can signal a bacterial infection or overgrowth. Check out Read My Lips or The V Book for more health information about vulvas and vaginas. 
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Friday, April 17, 2015

Condomaniac

Posted By on Fri, Apr 17, 2015 at 12:19 PM

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Send your questions in anonymously HERE!


Do you have any information about which condoms run big and small? I’d like to buy a variety (I’m a straight woman) to have a few sizes around so I don’t run into any more problems with them staying on/breaking. Any good info on that?


Sarah: Yeah, buy a punch bowl and fill it with every kind on the shelf. Start a collectors program. Be the first person to put together an exhaustive wiki of every condom brand on the face of the earth, searchable by country, complete with a user review forum! (Seriously, though, the world needs this badly.) You are very wise, however, to head off the conversation about how “condoms don’t fit/feel good” by doing your due diligence here. Hop online, order yourself a veritable fruit salad of latex products and get to researchin’.

Debby: Yes, you can find various condom size charts that show the wide range of condom sizes and shapes available to consumers like you and your partners. One of my favorites is on Condomania.com as the chart illustrates the size/shape and also lists various brands that reflect those dimensions. 
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Friday, March 27, 2015

NUVO at 25: Best of the Sex Doc

Posted By on Fri, Mar 27, 2015 at 9:43 AM

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Improve your sex life by getting that burning question answered by one of the world's foremost experts on sex, Dr. Debby Herbenick of Indiana University's Kinsey Institute. Submit anonymously here!

Best of the Sex Doc

While we hope to keep this thing going for another 25 years, we thought we’d share your favorite Sex Doc answers from over the last year while the Ms. Herbenick is on spring break. We’ve fielded every question from broken penises to genital skin care, period sex and ocean sex, and everything you could possibly imagine (No, you couldn’t. I guarantee you couldn’t.) in between. Remember, you can always send us an email at askthesexdoc@nuvo.net


Faultfinding Mission
When I have bad sex, how do I know who’s at fault? Me or the girl?

Sarah: Not to go all linguistic philosopher on you, but what’s your definition of “bad”? There is such a multitude of meanings of “bad” in the bedroom: awkward, stiff, boring, uncoordinated, rushed, lazy, overzealous, trying-too-hard, collegiate and non-orgasmic (which are usually one in the same). But more often than not, bad sex is the result of two mismatched partners both trying to get what they want without paying attention to what their partner wants or is responding to. Bad sex often starts with one or more partners betting really, really hard on one special “move” (worse, still, if the move has a name) that you concentrate so hard on completing that you forget to pay any attention to your partner or whether they even like it. Bad sex begins in the pages of dating books authored by men with one-word monikers, or women who really just want to get on The Today Show and turn their blog into a movie. The threat of bad sex shouts at you from the neon covers of Cosmo in the checkout line at Marsh. Don’t pay attention to any of that shit. Get in the bedroom, get naked and get vocal about what you like and don’t like.

Debby: Bad, or unpleasurable or awkward, sex is sometimes one person’s fault and more often a shared issue, as in “it takes two to tango”. Let’s say one person wants intimate, eyes-open, lights on sex and yet they have sex in the dark and don’t look at each other or share feelings. If Person A doesn’t describe the kind of sex he or she prefers, and Person B doesn’t ask or share either, then it’s a shared problem. On the other hand, if Person A shares what he or she wants and Person B disregards it, then B isn’t being a very cooperative partner. Ultimately, it matters less whose fault it is and more than both partners turn towards each other and try to create an intimacy that works.

The Beard Versus the Brazilian
I get regular Brazilians, and I just started seeing a guy who does the whole “fashionable stubble” thing, and it gives me almost like beard burn on my vagina when he goes down for a long time. What can I do to lessen the irritation?

Sarah: Dump him and date a guy with a real beard.

Dr. Debby: If you’re having sex with the guy, the least you could do is try talking openly with him about it. He might be willing to let the beard grow in or to shave it off and, either way, be soft and welcoming to your vulva.

SWEET JESUS IN A STRAIGHTJACKET

My guy and I were doing the nasty last week (I was on top of him, but facing his feet), when all of a sudden pleasure turned to pain. In the midst of the thrusting, I think what happened is his penis bent backward. He howled in pain and I got off of him. The poor thing then turned a shade of purple and was very sore for a few days. My guy is one of those "everything's fine" guys who hates the doc, and his penis is starting to feel better. But holy hell! What happened & how do I avoid this again? - Anonymous, from Tumblr

Sarah: Upon reading the question a few days ago, I screamed through every cell in my body until the scream culminated in an agonized moan that, as it escaped my lungs, folded my body in twain upon the ground. I have refused to deal with this until I absolutely had to, but the day of reckoning has come. Girlfriend, you broke his dick. You broke it. You broke his penis. YOU BROKE HIS PENIS! This is the equivalent of him tearing your vagina during vigorous sex, except with the added agony of an injury to a part of him that, as a dude, is symbolic of his masculinity. Start the litany of apologies now and you might be halfway done by the time you get triaged in the ER. The good doctor can tell you how you did it and how to avoid it, but here are my suggestions for making it up to him: a cruise to Egypt (possibly alone as a penis vision quest), an on-call masseuse for the duration of his healing time, thank you note duty for a decade, and/or daily blowies once he's healed for equal the duration of his recovery time (which he's allowed to lie about). You done to' him up from the flo' up, in terms of male "genital identity," so give him a nice chunk of time to heal physically and emotionally - especially given your description of his aloofness regarding his physical well-being. My limited (because of the cellular screaming) research yielded a wide spectrum of possible consequences of a bent dick, so you have to make sure he's cleared by a doctor. It also made me aware of a place on the internet simply called The Bent Penis Website (the-bent-penis-website.com), so it wasn't a total loss.

Debby: Your partner absolutely should see a doctor - and if he has any bruising or swelling still, I would suggest he get in to see a doctor ASAP even if that means going to the emergency room. Although penis breaks are rare, many occur each year and often they are emergency situations. They tend to happen when a man's penis is going in and out of his partner's body, and then misses and hits his partner's body. Partner on top is a common position for penile mishaps as is standing sex. One study found that penile breaks were more common in affairs, and in sex in unconventional places (e.g., offices, elevators) so be careful out there. Because penis breaks are serious, and we wouldn't want your partner to heal poorly and possibly develop scar tissue which could lead to painful or shorter erections, he really should get to a urologist as soon as possible.


Know Your Boner


I have a weak erection and quick ejaculation. What can I do?

Sarah:
I’ve been watching a lot of food documentaries lately, and one of the things I gathered from these documentaries is that boners are kind of nature’s ultimate health barometer. I would go to the doctor and get a full blood panel (I checked this with my MD sister, and she agrees) and make sure you’re not having a larger issue. The other thing I gained from these documentaries? Giving up processed foods and eating more whole foods, vegetables, and getting some exercise is like nature’s ultimate Viagra. In the short term? Experiment with cock rings and see how it goes.


Dr. Debby: Check in with your healthcare provider on the weak erection front. You’ll want to make sure it’s not an early warning sign of cardiovascular health problems and/or diabetes, which erectile problems can sometimes be. If all checks out just fine, you might look into The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions and/or a sex therapy appointment with Dr. Angela Marshall or another AASECT-certified sex therapist (aasect.org) or a sex therapist affiliated with SSTAR (sstarnet.org). (Also, see above regarding ejaculation.)


Prophylaxis Via Celibacy

Are there more and less reliable forms of birth control? My boyfriend doesn't like condoms (whose does?).

Sarah: Yes, there are plenty of other forms of birth control that are just as effective. The downside is, aside from a vasectomy, all the other forms of BC fall squarely on the shoulders of female responsibility, which is some bullshit. That said, birth control doesn't cover on the STI front, so if that's on your list of concerns, you'll still want some kind of barrier. I think the most effective version of this is the Scroguard, a device that will both keep you clean and healthy, and also is so visually repellent that it may end all your sexual contact with everyone, everywhere.

Dr. Debby: Yes! But again, there are so many different kinds of condoms and I would encourage you and your boyfriend to find one that works for you. You can also pair it with another form of birth control, like withdrawal or the pill or patch or ring, to double up your protection against pregnancy. You might also try using a female condom (easier to find on the internet than in person) which can help sex to feel more pleasurable for you both and still provide you with a huge reduction in STI risk that can only come with male or female condoms.

Foot foolery

I’m learning about reflexology and heard from classmates there are places you can press on the foot to make a man get an erection or make people horny. Is that true?

Sarah: I’ve actually met a woman who claimed to be so adept at reflexology, she could make any man instantaneously ejaculate. If this were possible, all the massage locations featured just after this article in print would prominently advertise their reflexology skills, and the woman I heard this claim from would be rolling a Bugatti to work and summering the Hamptons, and she ain’t. Of course, none of this isn’t to say that reflexology might have some incredible benefits in the bedroom by way of simply relaxing yourself (and it just feels really friggin’ good) but as far as being the key to instant orgasm, I invite you to join me in a call of “bullshit!”

Debby: It’s not so simple. If it were, sex would be much more reflexive and less magical ( I happen to be a fan of the magic). Various reflexology websites note supposedly erotic areas of the feet. Some say it’s the fleshy area of the big toe. Others say it’s the ankle and still others point to different spots. I am not an expert in reflexology so someone who has true expertise in it may have more to say on the topic (and may also be able to clear up the widely different information available on reflexology websites). All that said, there is some interesting science here which is that a nerve that provides sensory information about the feet enters the spinal cord at around the same level as a nerve that provides sensory information about the vagina. In rare cases, that information seems to be “confused” by the body and some people have orgasms just from walking or touching their feet. For the vast majority of human beings, however, that’s not the case. Foot stimulation is like anything else for most people - some people would enjoy the relaxation and sensuality of a foot massage and others would find it neutral, a little gross, or just not their thing. Should you pursue reflexology as a hobby or a career, you might ask people if they have any areas of their feet they would prefer you avoid. And, if you’re touching a partner’s feet, then the door is open for you to not only talk about areas to avoid but also areas of the feet, or ways of touching the feet, that they might find arousing or exciting.

Some bullshit right here

How crazy am I? I have a good friend who's a woman. We are roommates and live together. We are not romantically involved in the least, and yet, every woman I've ever been romantic with has had a problem with said friend. She never does anything to compromise relationships. I chalk it up to a woman's need to emotionally dominate a relationship. In your professional opinion, is it realistic to hold out to find the woman to understand this modern situation, or should I make a permanent decision?

Sarah: Have you considered that the problem might be that you think all women are kind of the same and have not entertained the idea that your individual friend-mate sucks? Or that you pick women who will be insecure about this friendship to save yourself the vulnerability and risk of actually becoming emotionally attached to someone? Do you, in the back of your mind, have that When Harry Met Sally bullshit notion that really, you’ll eventually end up together after realizing [DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL FLOURISH] that the reason your past relationships didn’t work is because OMFG YOU’RE MEANT TO BE?! Have you bought yourself the grandest bullshit McMansion of them all, the myth that all women naturally compete for male attention? Also, what does “not compromising” mean? Does that mean she’s respectful of your relationship boundaries or does that mean she tries to “bond” with your new romances by talking about how awkward it is when your roommate’s girlfriend comes over when she’s walking around in underwear, no bra and a tank top? (Ohmuhgawd, so awkward, right?!) Or are you taking the natural intimidation that comes with your boyfriend having an already-intimate relationship with a woman he lives with as overblown evidence of “all women’s” catty insecurity? Because, although there are many shades of triflin’ bullshit in play here, it all boils down to one of two scenarios: either you’re picking women who are preternaturally insecure, or you’re dating normal, mature, women who are picking up the scent, however faint, of a homewrecker. Figure out which it is and act accordingly.

Dr. Debby: Sarah nailed this one. 
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Hot-blooded (and very dizzy)

Posted By on Fri, Mar 27, 2015 at 9:40 AM

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Improve your sex life by getting that burning question answered by one of the world's foremost experts on sex, Dr. Debby Herbenick of Indiana University's Kinsey Institute. Submit anonymously here!


Is it dangerous to have sex in a hot environment? (Sauna, hot tub, etc)

Sarah: As someone who has fainted during sex in a (private!) sauna and during sex following a lengthy hot tub warm-up, I can say that yes, it is dangerous, but not in the way you think it will be. Life’s hard, stay hydrated and wear a helmet.

Debby: No. But don’t expect condoms (which are not tested for these hot water/shampoo/bath bubbles conditions) to work in this situation so if you should be using a condom for pregnancy or STI prevention, stick to dry land. And if you want to use lubricant (vaginas dry out in warm water) apply a silicone-based lubricant to the vaginal opening before getting into the hot tub, or hot tub time machine as the case may bft
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