You know, I’m so glad Barack Obama came to our city this weekend [March 15] and really got in touch with his community. I mean, it was very Robert F. Kennedy of him to throw himself into the heart of the dangerous, ghetto streets of Plainfield, Ind. I’m glad he got to speak to the disadvantaged kids in the neighborhood, like poor little Brett or Tiffany who have to *gasp* actually ride the bus to school rather than drive Lexuses or Beemers like those spoiled little brats at Arlington, Tech and Northwest! It was very brave of him to confront, face to face, the perpetrators of the deadly Friday Fish Fry ring at the local Third Methodist Baptist Christ the Lord Little Shepard Lutheran Church of Christ of Latter Day Saints in that abhorrent little town rather than waste his time pandering to the constituents at 10th and Rural who whine about their pesky little methamphetamine and crime problems.

I’m so relieved that we have a candidate who is willing to face head on the problem of skyrocketing property taxes to upper-middle-class white families who can afford it than waste our time worrying about all the condemned and urine, rat and roach infested abandoned properties on the inner Eastside. I mean, we must keep our priorities straight! Plainfield, Ind., is so riddled with rising child murder rates, lack of public transportation, black on black crime, overcrowded jails and rampant drug problems. It is so refreshing to see a politician put himself in harm’s way in the name of change. I’m sure all the black residents in Plainfield were relieved to see one of their own out there this weekend. Thank you, Barack!  

Oh wait, that’s right, like 2 percent of Hendricks County is black. And 50 percent of you is black and 50 percent is white. I guess as a “strong black man” you have sent the message through your ultra-upper-middle-class campaign stops which half of you is the most important. I mean, we surely wouldn’t want you stepping over all the growing mobs of homeless people downtown on your way to the White House, would we?  

At least RFK went to 18th and Broadway back in 1968 where he had the unfortunate experience of announcing that MLK had just been assassinated to an increasingly angry crowd of black constituents. THAT is campaigning in the name of change my friend.

The funniest thing about it all is that Hendricks County is still going to vote Republican (not that that is any better at this point ... let’s see, would you rather be stabbed, shot or strangled? Get out and vote!). Well, next time you come through town, we’ll be sure to leave the light on in the Martinsville High School gymnasium for you. I hear the political powerhouse of the Housewives for Martha Stewart are dying to join your campaign!