The Concerned Mothers of Carmel have once again come to the rescue of innocent teenagers by terming the Evan Lurie door handles “indecent” and appealing to the City Council to invoke some sort of martial law when it comes to objects de personal distaste (Reviews, “Man-handles Cause Controversy,” Jan. 2-9). Part of the rhubarb with the handle is the private part an unsuspecting teen might accidentally place his/her hand upon to gain entry, thereby scarring the aforementioned teen forever and turning them to a life of sexual debauchery, as if Two and A Half Men reruns hadn’t already done as much somewhat earlier in the current writers’ strike.

While the City Council can certainly scoff at the door handle controversy and write off this complaint as “an individual’s taste in art,” Victoria’s Secret’s massive mannequin mishap is another matter. Oh sure, Vickie changed the mannequin wardrobe to warm flannel PJs but kept the poses of the mannequins intact; no doubt adding yet another salacious item to every impressionable young girl’s next slumber party agenda.

One can only recoil in horror at the thought of this marketing trend catching on. Next thing you know, on 96th Street we’ll see mannequins adorned with nothing but strategically placed Porsche keys. Actually, that might just work. Tom Wood should take notice.