It is with great pleasure I announce NUVO columnist Steve Hammer has been named person of the year by the Democrats United to Malign Bush Association (or DUMB Ass.).

In a recent column (“Sympathy for the Devil,” May 30-June 6) he demonstrates his undying commitment to malign the evil George Bush who embarrassed the nation once again by being pooped on by a bird at a recent press conference. Hammer executed the liberal handbook flawlessly by accusing Bush of lying, declaring the world hates Bush and asserting the war in Iraq was a ploy to make his defense industry buddies rich.

As a result of such originality Hammer has generated such an enthusiastic following he has taken to using a photo of Larry the Cable Guy so he can move amongst the masses unmolested. His popularity peaked last year when he penned his fantasy of ambushing and attacking Republicans with a baseball bat. Only a true DUMB Ass. would be as bold as advocate violence against Republicans while accusing THEM of voter intimidation as Hammer often does.

In closing, Hammer is second to none at replicating the “fact” the rest of the world hates Bush. Until we get countries like Canada, Mexico, Germany, Australia and France to stop firing liberals in favor of conservatives, it is imperative DUMB Ass. people like Hammer repeat this mantra. Thanks to him for never having the curiosity to ask what the world thinks of liberals!

By becoming DUMB Ass. of the year, Hammer is automatically considered for the person of the year award given by the Association of Hateful Old Liberal Extremists. It is our sincere hope that current Ass. HOLE of the year Rosie O’Donnell will hand over the reins to the deserving Steve Hammer at a posh ceremony in Venezuela.

Steven Watts
Indianapolis